tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13893796545318597682024-03-14T01:51:58.046-07:00Take what you can from this lifeA collection of substantial-intending insight on the introspective being. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-74124175081117629582016-03-26T19:21:00.001-07:002016-03-26T19:26:14.550-07:00Starting to overthink the future.Was having a bit of a weird day. It's Easter weekend and so my family and I went to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 and ate Greek food afterwards. The movie hit a soft spot. I feel as though I'm not good enough to be in a relationship or have nothing to offer another person. That having a best friend and lover is just not in my cards. It was just a moment of weakness. Plus, lately I've just been putting myself in situations of feeling used as an endgame... Also, I see my parents' love of 30+ years and my brother and his girl of ~2 years... It's hard to believe that it could ever happen to me... <div><br></div><div>My inner monologue goes something like this- I really want to give my all to someone. Have wonderful weekend nights out with that someone and then coming home together, honoring each other's needs. Realizing that despite our busy schedules throughout the week, we make time for each other. I want to cook every night for him and watch movies together on the couch, snuggled up in sweats. Tickle fights and back rubs. Providing our own dialogue to movies being the smart arsed people we are. Something so beautiful and simple. Surprising each other by listening to our deepest desires and acting upon it, provided the timing is right. Supporting and loving one another no matter what. Giving each other space and living our own lives but still coming home to each other. Being that fiercely loyal lion. Not giving up when it's hard, working at it and compromising. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">[God, I hate being single. Worst, I hate feeling sorry for myself like this. Plus am I just romanticizing love? Or deluded...]</span></div><div><br></div><div>Anyway, I suppose my guy friends best reap the rewards I'm giving. Simply just out of being nice and fulfilling some kind of nurturing need... Giving has always been easy for me. It's not a selfish, like looking for gratification, thing. I just enjoy doing things without expectations or reciprocation. </div><div><br></div><div>Was thinking that maybe stress of this last year of university and working full-time is causing this anxiety about feeling as though relationships aren't in my future. I keep thinking I'll end up an old spinster with dogs and rabbits. End of 2016 into 2017 is the tentative plan of becoming emotionally available and open to any possibility. No expectations, just whatever happens, happens. But my priorities are school, work, and living life for me-healing from grief considering how many deaths I took personally last year. </div><div><br></div><div>Sorry about the hard-to-follow text. Just needed to brain dump. It's stupid but it's cumbersome to feel this way... </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-17226178020602374772016-02-29T21:54:00.001-07:002016-02-29T21:54:15.891-07:00The car*Lights fade in*<div><br></div><div>I want a guy who I can wake up next to, look him deep in the eyes and stroke his face with the hand exposed from our warm blankets. A soft good morning. Stretching and wrapping each other close. The stuff Hollywood movies find mandatory in hipster or cult classics. The quintessential romantic movie. </div><div><br></div><div>*Next scene* </div><div><br></div><div>Him getting ready for work. I'm wearing his old button up shirt, putting his tie on for him while he does some final finishes with his belt loops, kissing him ever so softly. Hand in hand we walk to the kitchen and I make him coffee and breakfast before he heads out the door.</div><div><br></div><div>*lights fade out for a brief moment in time, indicating a time lapse*</div><div><br></div><div>*We're in the car together*</div><div>I want a guy who can show me his childhood home, the streets on which he grew up and fields he played. I want to see him tremble for a moment and feel the anguish of reliving memories in time. The place he got his first kiss, first speeding ticket, and his first everything. Something that shows his humble beginnings and hug him for opening up. I want to visit his grandparents and hear the embarrassing stories from him, even if it's at their gravesite. Show him that everything he is, I accept and then some. </div><div><br></div><div>The only thing I ask is that he hold me close, support me as I would him, and we stick it through thick and thin. That its okay to fall through the depressive cracks but he is my superhero and I, his. This is an egalitarian romanticized perception, but I dare to dream the possibilities.</div><div><br></div><div>*fade into a soft red glow in a heartbeat pattern*</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-70184030450691093962016-02-22T11:48:00.001-07:002016-02-22T11:49:08.527-07:00There is always something there to remind me...It's funny how you find lingering remnants of a love once was... Last week, I was cleaning out my jewelry drawer and stumbled upon a mixed CD and a ring He gave me. I decided to sell the ring (it's sold, have to ship it out today), and I'm still working on the mixed cd's disposal... Been spring cleaning quite a bit lately, at work, at home, in the car. It's getting better. <div><br></div><div>A beautiful soul and I had a discussion at this concert about how when you love someone you let them go... It's a hardship but so true... You want what's best for that person and to self-actualize and realize it may not be you, is a release... To be angry with any person who has done you wrong is natural but to obsess over it, isn't healthy. Am I angry that He (my ex) cheated, not once but twice? Um... Yeah. But I think what I was most angry about is the fact I changed myself whilst with him... He was someone who was self-indulgent and I put myself on the backburner to promote his wellbeing while suppressing my own. When I applied for grad school, he was pseudo-supportive... I'm not sure because our communication skills were dying at that point since I had no trust left in him. He surprised me on the first day of classes by coming to my campus with flowers when I went out to New York in August of 2014. Then in November, we faded to oblivion... Which is why this conversation with this beautiful soul and the dispersal of remnants meant so much and hit at the right time. I fervently believe that everything happens for a reason. Signs and that things are either right or wrong... This positivity felt right considering everything that cycled before Christmas Eve. </div><div><br></div><div>The other thing I'm working on is opening up... My lungs, heart, soul, and hair are being spring cleaned, improving on interpersonal relationships and not letting the past dictate the future.</div><div><br></div><div>Don't let the past dictate the future... Use the past as a learning tool, not a mechanism heading into the future. You can't heal that way... <font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">I got rid of my excess, you can get rid of yours... </font></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-91748278317479047812016-02-15T16:16:00.001-07:002016-02-15T16:16:03.038-07:00(Wo)man proposes; God Disposes- the Antithesis and Catalyst.<div>Just laying on the couch, running a fever and running a mind. My equilibrium is off- dizzy with an infection in the left ear. Figured I'd just compile a short poem (they started as tweets) about this relationship I had in 2014. We met in April, month 4. Lasted 7 months. This is the basis of the poem's structure. It doesn't rhyme, in retrospect, we didn't either. </div><div><br></div><i>Enzymatic love</i><div><i>Toxic from the get-go </i></div><div><i>The first link catalyzed was me </i></div><div><i>Dissolving us back to two </i></div><div><i><br></i></div><div><i>Incendiary and passionate... </i></div><div><i>Now, moot. </i></div><div><i>It's just a chemical reaction </i></div><div><i>Yours, mine, ours. </i></div><div><i>I<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">t happened for a reason </span></i></div><div><i>For that same reason </i></div><div><i>Incinerated itself into oblivion. </i></div><div><i><br></i></div><div><i>You were beautiful</i></div><div><i>Like neon lights in the city's introspective exhaustion. </i></div><div><i>My personal drug. </i></div><div><i>Every ounce exuding an ethereal glow. </i></div><div><i><br></i></div><div><i>While you're lighting up another world... </i></div><div><i>There's ash here in these ruins</i></div><div><i>Like Pompeii, </i></div><div><i>Pervading every pore of interpersonal relationships</i></div><div><i>The basis</i></div><div><i>Defined by you</i></div><div><i>Leaving me. </i></div><div><i><br></i></div><div><i><br></i></div><div>You'll find out soon enough that the invitation was burned like Icarus. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-17978890687876706692016-02-08T19:51:00.001-07:002016-02-08T19:52:25.620-07:00Cleaning the soulToday was full of creativity and inspiration. "I could feel it in my bones, I think today's the day..." (Crash kings, come away). Decided to take the plunge and appease the child within and play with her... Made two different types of soap with the help of Pinterest. One is a grapefruit (super pink...) and rum (purple..,) topped with glitter. That was the 5 year old self. The older side of me made a coffee scented scrub soap with vanilla and brown sugar. All vegan. All natural with Shea butter, Coconut oil, and cocoa butter. <div><br></div><div><b>Recipe for grapefruit rum sugar soap</b>.<div><br></div><div>12 oz. granulated sugar</div></div><div>4 oz. coconut oil, melted</div><div>1 oz. Cocoa butter, melted</div><div>6 oz. Shea butter soap base, tempered</div><div>Couple drops grapefruit extract</div><div>Couple drops rum extract</div><div>Couple drops food coloring</div><div><br></div><div>Mix together first 3. Divide base in half. Apply rum to one and food coloring of your choice. Put in the drops of grapefruit and food coloring of choice. Mix each thoroughly. Tip into a lined sheet and form a rectangle with the two meeting in the middle. Sprinkle<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> glitter or extra sugar on top while still wet. Let dry. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><br></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><b>Coffee soap</b></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><b><br></b></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">6 oz. coffee</font><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">, freshly ground.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">1 lb. Shea butter soap base, tempered</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">2 oz. cocoa butter, melted</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">1/4 tsp. Vanilla extract</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Handful of brown sugar for top</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Handful of coffee beans whole for top</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Combine first four and pour into a wax lined rectangular dish. Sprinkle a handful of brown sugar and coffee beans on top, pressing into wet mix. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-51369029959698422772016-02-02T19:33:00.003-07:002016-02-02T19:33:41.421-07:00Mosaic birds- Stepping stones<br />
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So this post is meant to complement a previous post- <a href="http://cassandrabugir.blogspot.com/2016/01/the-proof-is-in-pudding.html" target="_blank">Proof is in the pudding</a>. These are just some visible examples of improvement and motivation. </h3>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Copper in Matrix. This spoke to me- beauty shining through the ugliness of what was. Nederland Colorado 2016.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKZAhkj4_RNGudbtK1y4rem0bh4Mp4y36Ga9c1x7VytJHqiYVkceFNT43s9KqNET81aajyI0d-R_i8vV9qiKQ6z6mazLLehnGJnEbUxbBpc8sB_-b7tSk66QbkNKj4X96fut51pWv2qNA/s1600/IMG_1315.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKZAhkj4_RNGudbtK1y4rem0bh4Mp4y36Ga9c1x7VytJHqiYVkceFNT43s9KqNET81aajyI0d-R_i8vV9qiKQ6z6mazLLehnGJnEbUxbBpc8sB_-b7tSk66QbkNKj4X96fut51pWv2qNA/s320/IMG_1315.JPG" width="177" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Working on self confidence and making mental health progress.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikf7yk2BjoLXrZ74bFitJVN97YUZED4qGbv0EXwHkWBJde31JMXUtvhjjSmjaFZsP_IiA3Szfprf-bSswlc9z_QTcRJyYMzqblXaM2BW2na5i24V6tFmx3uH_z5Cii8h1sGjOHQpuyCkU/s1600/IMG_0992.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikf7yk2BjoLXrZ74bFitJVN97YUZED4qGbv0EXwHkWBJde31JMXUtvhjjSmjaFZsP_IiA3Szfprf-bSswlc9z_QTcRJyYMzqblXaM2BW2na5i24V6tFmx3uH_z5Cii8h1sGjOHQpuyCkU/s320/IMG_0992.JPG" width="177" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">New friend. Hendrix.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-PxNyV5vfiOOaRc9NloGzNtli5PXIDoTAcpoOA2SrjyC4hoveaPAhnodjSHV4DcUMMp5B_YHPgKKuVMFw6N1MuZUG1GpkLeiAjWMc4PWFHy4LaXapyc_geerTulRZVUgddI6iQ0O_0Q0/s1600/IMG_1223.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-PxNyV5vfiOOaRc9NloGzNtli5PXIDoTAcpoOA2SrjyC4hoveaPAhnodjSHV4DcUMMp5B_YHPgKKuVMFw6N1MuZUG1GpkLeiAjWMc4PWFHy4LaXapyc_geerTulRZVUgddI6iQ0O_0Q0/s320/IMG_1223.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Had always wanted to see Niagara Falls in Winter. Crossed this off my bucket list. </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGnYX2qgagdttRphiRQVHOfEPl7jFCP0w9Bq620j1D93SKWpqYe2-4yO_Pv908cTTzaI0MKVykXfyRRk1xHp3hqFdNt73nspqMxFxWLWGvM5kFHsqiAHuJVhCKWPuu4vESQzxLafUrtTE/s1600/IMG_1103.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGnYX2qgagdttRphiRQVHOfEPl7jFCP0w9Bq620j1D93SKWpqYe2-4yO_Pv908cTTzaI0MKVykXfyRRk1xHp3hqFdNt73nspqMxFxWLWGvM5kFHsqiAHuJVhCKWPuu4vESQzxLafUrtTE/s320/IMG_1103.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Cowboy Cliche. Spaghetti Western Sunrises are breathtaking. I tend to think about my mere existence on the way to work every morning simply by seeing these interwoven colours. </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEh0-ompiqWhOF5YxMXxMPex8qL2ZXUPabCtc2abcHQqoB4-wSNjEzQp6D6f3lzHGnRudrLEg-y_9juv_aE-4N_83FoGYrNZixyUWxTW7y1Uej9jvZ3-Awak7wgC4VvtocO26DorGsBGs/s1600/IMG_0753.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEh0-ompiqWhOF5YxMXxMPex8qL2ZXUPabCtc2abcHQqoB4-wSNjEzQp6D6f3lzHGnRudrLEg-y_9juv_aE-4N_83FoGYrNZixyUWxTW7y1Uej9jvZ3-Awak7wgC4VvtocO26DorGsBGs/s320/IMG_0753.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">30 Seconds to Mars... Where to start with this band... Self-introspection, constant exploration of this thing called life. Lyrics and melodies are breathtaking.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLTOZPB81NqZS_eyR8CriHs2qAASscvkKSrB410j67v7YLJ07Hem1nzFk__GRgaaMXfDiMSlGhFVgWMGcUHUZIhPxqXQ-bW4o4VYKjUj3SN5dm1pvbnBnqylnf4nThVk4bSML6KXsXGD8/s1600/IMG_0215.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLTOZPB81NqZS_eyR8CriHs2qAASscvkKSrB410j67v7YLJ07Hem1nzFk__GRgaaMXfDiMSlGhFVgWMGcUHUZIhPxqXQ-bW4o4VYKjUj3SN5dm1pvbnBnqylnf4nThVk4bSML6KXsXGD8/s320/IMG_0215.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">So this bird is my rock. A few weeks ago, I experienced sharp shooting pain. Started fading in and out and collapsed on the floor. She went to the floor on the other side of her enclosure and started alarm calling. I'm forever touched by her presence. </span></td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-67883601738062738072016-02-02T17:10:00.001-07:002016-02-02T18:56:03.188-07:00Orange and black pepper French toast<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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Culinary explorations has always been a passion. I'd make a pretty good wife one day, spoiling hubby with treats my grandparents and parents have taught me. #foodie<br />
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French toast is one of my faves. Had to jazz it up a tad. </div>
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2 eggs</div>
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1.5 cups milk or cream</div>
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1 tbsp maple syrup</div>
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1 tsp vanilla extract (I use bourbon vanilla)</div>
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1/2 tsp orange peel</div>
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Tiny sprinkling of Himalayan pink salt</div>
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1/8 tsp freshly ground black pepper </div>
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A whole loaf of Texas toast</div>
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2 tbsp butter for frying</div>
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Whisk together first 7 ingredients. Heat up griddle and melt butter. Dip bread lightly in mixture and fry two by two until golden brown on each side. Serve with more maple syrup, fruit, powdered sugar, extra butter, whatever tickles your fancy. I just used some extra butter and maple syrup. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-32769324646687961342016-01-21T13:33:00.001-07:002016-01-28T06:39:22.995-07:00Wish you were here...Here I go again on my own...There's bits of stale yoghurt-covered raisins in my molars. I'm sitting in a silent room filled with voices preoccupied in their own heads. Another semester is brewing<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> in a familiar place, different season, and less familiar faces. It's always going to feel like home away from home but there's a different ambience. This time round I don't get to come home to a blue-Merled soul-mate. Instead, this is an extension of what I've built because of her. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">See, if it weren't for her I wouldn't push myself off the deep ends. (Example- going on a research trip to Japan, with people I hardly knew) Meaning, new situations and experience wouldn't arise, because, I'd still be stuck in my bed, not wishing to move or hope for some warmth...as much as i'm digging my heels into this new trudging process. </span><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">This trip in particular has been healing. I'm opening up about September-December 24, 2015, AKA The Fall... Realizing that shutting people out has not been productive. Truth be told, we all have things to deal with and I just didn't want anyone opening my burgeoning closet. Well it's spring semester (even though it's still winter) so therefore, let's start spring cleaning early. Air out the problems and donate those burdens to the cold hearted rich... Sweet Charity... <br></font><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div>One thing that was the cherry on top to the previous section of "Wish you were here" was my ex... We met initially in 2009 and then really fired up in 2014. I was getting over my childhood dream and this guy swooped in with his dark features. Just my dream guy- tattooed, muscular, perfect teeth, soulful eyes... Damn... Just thinking about him makes me melt over again... Anyway we were like a straw fire, quick to start, quick to burn out. We were equally enveloped in each other and had the intention of getting married. This was the first time I was actually serious about someone. He pushed me out of my comfort zone, I wanted to live a full rich life because of him. I met so many incredible people and thought my dreams were finally coming true without really expecting any of it. We pictured our lives in various countries just laying on the beach, hiking, exploring ruins only to be ruined... By a blonder, older, hyper-sexualized version of me times TWO. There were two "bimbos" (I hate degrading fellow women like this, but it hurts and there aren't any other tactful phrases). First one was an ex of his and second was this newcomer but she swept him off his feet and I ended up dumped. That cheap trick gets a diamond on her ring finger in the destination he and I intended, and I get self-awareness lessons! I was sent an invitation to his wedding the day before Christmas Eve. This made it all the more real and, needless to say, it was another twist in the heart. </div></div><div><br></div><div>Random thought: (Learning to live again has been an interesting experience to say the least. My rubber band of a body stretched into work and school and everything instead of focusing on each of the matters at hand. On this trip I faced head on my self-introspective nature. Wrote another ten poems to make it officially 1000 poems under my belt. I've been in pain since Christmas and, yay it's not an ulcer but something a bit more sinister in my left abdominal region, I have no appetite... Nevertheless, it allowed me to get back into my body and realize my mortality. Also, I sit too much in my own head and over analyze every damn issue. Being swallowed whole is something I never want to do again. Why do I take things personally? If anyone has any thoughts please bring them up in comments! Totally game to some solutions. I'm already running every morning, doing yoga, and dancing even though my body also running on E. It's a body/mind disconnect.)</div><div><br></div><div>It was too painful to write about him... Even more so that I found another dark headed guy and he dumped me via text message. I've never been interested in blonde men (except for Billy Idol lol) but so far this is strike two... Bastille and airborne toxic event will never have the same meaning to me... Instead it'll be an indifferent sigh rather than listening to the lyrics. This should really be the least of concerns... There's not going to be a part three but just thought the first seemingly real love should well round this breakdown.</div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-83387685619178973622016-01-07T07:48:00.001-07:002016-01-07T07:48:12.185-07:00The proof is in the puddingI've been thinking long about this biannual seasonal depression and how much it's eaten at me. I'm fearing a lot more things than I usually do but yet feeling like an empty shell of a person. Been trying to deflect everything and hide my true feelings by joking around- creating smartarse captions to every single little thing. It's funny because it parallels what birds do- when they're sick or injured, they fluff up their feathers and make it look like nothing's wrong simply to avoid predation. <div><br></div><div>I originally intended to post on social media how I was to combat this and 2016 was to be my year. You know the cliche "new year, new me" bs... Nup, it's going a different route. I'm going to prove that I'm actually going to combat this. The logistics haven't been worked out yet but life is always a work in progress. The motivation was taken from politics... Weird right? But I look at the American population and how they gripe about the political system in place without actually taking a stand. Voting is merely not enough. Sometimes being radical and proactive is what is necessary to make actual change. I'm starting not to believe in simple words but rather actions. </div><div><br></div><div>Not to compare my own country but anytime something is not right, Australians throw out their government and start again. Well at least they did when I was living there. Not sure what US emulation strategy is now... Bfd... They point is I'm throwing out my old attitude and rebuilding and saving that inner child and no more fluffing... </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-35736217871638492132015-12-29T17:30:00.001-07:002015-12-29T17:33:32.921-07:00Wish you were here... (part one of infinite) Title taken from the old Pink Floyd song. It was one of the first songs I heard when she passed and also one of the first songs that made me feel so alone. (I'm crying just writing this, so I apologize in advance for the words.) <br />
<br />
I'm not sure what the songwriter was feeling at the time, but I know what that song means to me now... Loving and losing is the hardest battle. Sometimes I wish I was incapable of love and became this cold-hearted wretch. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depends on the circumstance) over-loving, over-thinking, and over-working are just part of my banal existence. <br />
<br />
On Christmas Eve, I was driving to work, this song came on the radio after I dropped my dad off at the bus stop. I wasn't listening to Christmas music, to be frank, I just wasn't feeling the spirit this particular year. Completely and utterly lost it. Tears started to pervade every pore and pooled up just on the top of my cheeks. <br />
<br />
I lost it. I lost this sensation to live. I want out so bad... Plus at the place I work there's a lot of hazards and so it wouldn't be that hard. Just think of when a game glitches and you're stuck only being able to jump up, but you get no where. You're unable to move forward, backwards, or to either side. I can only imagine what it feels to be a tightly wound message in a bottle, stuck floating in the ocean. This is how I feel, plateaued, restless, and not at peace. Regardless, I posted a photo on snapchat showing some stupid vulnerable side that was sort of a cry for help by the same token.<br />
<br />
side note: My aussie grandmother that passed away this year was a very tough, strong woman. She certainly passed those genes onto me. Both a blessing and a curse. Showing vulnerability is not in my cards. It's not something I tend to do, despite being the most insecure and emotional "softie" internally. Such an internal power-struggle. I fight with myself every day, filtering out a lot of things especially toward friends. I want to fix my problems before anyone has the chance to know what happened. Also, very stubborn. Helping people is easy, helping yourself... not so. <br />
<br />
Anyway, a beautiful soul reached out and I completely blew him off. I rattled some pretty hurtful things (of course, in retrospect) because there was still some pent up feelings towards this person that I don't want to delve into. Also, it's what I've been feeling since Riot Fest. You sort of start seeing your "friends" true colors and unsure of where you stand with people. A lot of unnecessary and unresolved drama happened. I should have seen red flags all over that plus all over my birthday and other situations. I'm keeping this part of my breakdown vague because there are multiple people involved. I should put my perspective out in the open and start the 2016 year on a different foot but, alas, no cigar. <br />
<br />
I also lost a few individuals in my life this year:<br />
<br />
1) My grandfather for all intents and purposes (see Catharsis in death)<br />
2) My Aussie grandmother<br />
3) My "grandfather"- when I first moved out here to the states, my neighbors were this elderly couple, she taught me piano and he was this wonderful beagle-loving human being. Such a kind soul. <br />
4) ___________________________ this one I don't want to talk about. It's way too painful.<br />
5) My beautiful Aussie Shepherd, Sydney<br />
6) Gus- so heartbroken to this day. <br />
7) Frankie<br />
8) Perry- traumatic, happened on Christmas Eve that further spiraled me. <br />
9) My bearded dragon, Nullah. <br />
10+11) two juvenile penguins. <br />
<br />
Going back to this conversation, this beautiful soul dished it back to me, he told me that people cared. It's still something I have a hard time believing, namely because every time I try to express my feelings or anything, it really feels like no one gives a shit or are so used to giving me advice. I'm so used to never being listened to. Actually being listened to, not talking back or giving judgments. I'm always shut down by family and friends, being told my feelings are irrational, wrong, or stupid. <br />
<br />
This is, in part, why my dog was not "just a dog". I'd have these fits and she'd come up to me, rest her head on my right side (which is why I got the tattoo on my right side, in that place). I'd stroke her fur, cry into her shoulder, hug her close. Everything would just divulge profusely. At the end of it all, I'd know what the solution to the problem was, because I had vocalized the troubles. You just can't do that with people. All of it goes in one ear, out the next or little snippets end up gossiped about or judged. <br />
<br />
Another facet to losing her was this sense of identity. At the age of 10.5, I was uprooted from Australia to come to the states for better familial opportunities. It was also the same year as the Olympic Games to which the love of my life was participating. I also had family out there which we would visit every 3 years (except 2009 + 2012). Getting Syd 4 years later was a sense of retaining that cultural identity. An Australian Shepherd with an Australian name. Maybe it was a crutch up until this point? I don't know, but losing her and losing my grandparents (the family we had out there), seems like an end of an era. It's a transition phase. My parents are selling my grandmother's house. They already sold their house down there. It's like the cords are being cut... I feel like my sense of home is lost. At the rate I feel with being in the states, it's not home. My dog was my home and wherever she was, that was home. Now it just feels like mere existence and not living. <br />
<br />
Okay... bear with me... this is just one part and I'm triggered right now, so this is going to stop until I can get my bearings and trudge through the rest of this cathartic intention. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-68049255837567576862015-12-22T15:45:00.001-07:002015-12-22T15:45:28.675-07:00ChristmasCan't believe another year is slipping by like sand through your fingers at the beach. <div><br></div><div>Must say, definitely not feeling the cheer. It's hard to say considering this is one of my favorite holidays and I'm usually pretty charitable this time of year, donating every year to my friend's fave charities on their behalf and whatnot. Something just doesn't feel right. I simply don't care. It'<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">ll be great when this holiday season is over. This negative attitude will hopefully dissipate. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">What makes this year different is the series of events that served as a precursor. Most of all I'm depressed I don't get to be with my dog. Going to Petsmart has been a chore- I see toys and her fave items with which I would have spoiled her. A couple of my friends have Aussie Shepherds and I see photos online and it just triggers my sadness and anger.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I'm angry at the fact that fate had to take away my best friend. It's been hurtful that everyone with whom I share Syd's story says "oh it's just a dog".... NO! She's more than a dog, she was my emotional support. I'm not the person I was prior to October 3rd. I don't have anyone to share my stories with, that actually care. There are thoughts from back in 2013 that are coming back. I hate living without her. It's so unfair. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">My sister in law and aunt are in town and I love them both dearly. But, I'm not in an emotionally stable place to enjoy anyone's company. My birds at work have alleviated any stress but what is being masked? Something isn't sitting right... </font></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-57573602078833305842015-12-11T18:20:00.001-07:002015-12-11T18:20:17.483-07:00Unsure... With a shot of extra strength.<div><br></div><div>I’m sitting here in the window seat of the exit row, infuriated because of the people sitting next to me talking about their life stories (you know the loud ones that think they’re the only people in an airplane) and, also, that it’s the end of an interesting trip. These past few weeks have been interesting in general. I have done a lot of growing up but, more importantly, searched into that introspective being. She’s back and with a vengeance. Despite everything going on in life, I find a way to run away from it all, gain clarity and then come back with a better perspective. Unfortunately, this trip wasn’t exactly that. I feel, in part, that my brain - which has been belaboring a particular situation right now- made me overthink and fall into solitude. There are so many beautiful souls in my life but one stabbed whatever half of my heart I have left. I have a hard time writing about people in my life just because staining character on a public domain isn’t exactly “adult”. It tells an inaccurate description of that person through the lense of anger and fear. Our own biases clout our judgement and others, of whom we tell, we influence. I’m growing ever so resentful of this person simply because of misunderstanding or overthinking of what the word “Intimidation” means. It’s not so much being resentful but rather having the final straw. This isn’t the first time I have been told this and, quite frankly, it won’t be the last… never the less, there’s a persistent sting. </div><div><br></div><div>I hate being strong… There are times I wish I could crawl into a ball and cry and cry and cry with someone holding me whilst in this position. I just have a natural inclination to push people away, sort out whatever it is and then move on. Needless to say, this culmination of feelings is ruining me. It not only has to do with that personal friendship but a past relationship and multiple deaths/family health scares since September. Everything has snowballed and it’s breaking me. Woe is me, not the intention of this post but it would be nice to have someone telling me it’s all okay and to just hug it out. </div><div><br></div><div>What does it mean when a person tells you that you’re fairly intimidating? </div><div><br></div><div>This started a new train of thought that I can’t quite shake as far as insecurities. I was a bold and outspoken chick who called people out and did whatever she wanted without anyone telling her otherwise. Things changed and what’s terrifying is, I don’t know when or how. I sit around contemplating life and the people in my life and question their motivations and it sullies my whole day. Then it starts getting to the point where I get myself so anxious, worked up and it turns to a series of gag reflexes (probably shouldn’t be saying that, knowing the connotation) or, in extreme cases, vomit. I’ve been told by my doctors to calm down and relax but nothing seems to help. Self-medicating became a vice- alcohol and muscle relaxers. I’ve done a lot of things this summer and fall that I regret. I suppose it’s all part of the human experience. Been experiencing nightmares such as seeing my dead grandmother (see previous post for September) and waking up crying hysterically. It seems like a bad omen. There’s something in the air that’s not sitting quite right. </div><div><br></div><div>It’s times like these where running up to the mountains with my dog would have been the therapy I needed. Gosh, she was a great dog. So understanding, beautiful, and the better half of my existence. I miss her so much and there are times (now, especially) where I wish I was wherever she is. Always keep one foot in the grave. She still hasn’t visited me in my dreams and, yet, she’s come to my brother and mum. As much as it was the right thing to do, I feel I did her wrong by ending her life so soon. She was in pain and I didn’t know how long she’d been like that. What’s done is done. </div><div><br></div><div>Black Friday, also, has a negative impact on my life as 2 years ago my other Grandmother, Virginia, passed away from a rare neuroendocrine cancer. I loved her so much but resented her for occupying my mother’s time in her later years. So selfish on my behalf. I’ve been to so many fortune tellers, psychics, and hanging around other people and they always say there’s Virginia. They can sense her presence around me but I have a hard time believing she would be looking out for me. My wonderful “aunt” who is an astrological reader said that an Aquarian is my life coach/guardian angel, which is fitting considering Virginia’s an Aquarius.</div><div><br></div><div>I feel like the volcano in Iceland… bubbling up with pressure. Mostly self-imposed, some influenced by simple phrases, traditions, or words… Between these little thought blips. Work and school have been amazing get-aways but I can’t seem to focus because of these thoughts and constantly feeling like everything I do… is wrong. Everything always seems to be my fault simply because of lack of patience, lack of rest, lack of joy and lack of that passion that once was. Just been going through the motions and waiting for that chance to erupt. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-88808303071930725322015-11-17T19:51:00.001-07:002015-11-17T19:51:29.193-07:00A new beginning.I confronted the situation as vaguely described in my previous post. <div><br></div><div>It wasn't easy but I got to talking with this person and decided to cut the proverbial cord. It wasn't an easy decision but ultimately the toxicity isn't worth it. I'm an independent woman with a strong ethical framework and thrive on adventure. </div><div><br></div><div>Now I just have to send back all of the presents we gave each other and call it a day. It's hard when this person was an integral part of my life and someone with whom I impulsively wanted to spend my life and raise a family. </div><div><br></div><div>The trip to Baltimore was an eyeopener. I got to spend time with my beautiful friend and her family. I met someone who changed my life forever and am so thankful for the belly full of laughs and the ability to express myself. We road tripped every day and went to Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Washington DC plus the wedding in Maryland. </div><div><br></div><div>Good lord the jokes we shared... And how it continues through text message... It's like a machine gun... </div><div><br></div><div>It's been beautiful to forget everything. It's also been great to gain courage to tackle the situation that gnawed at me and progress forward. I feel practically invincible and... Essentially... Myself! I haven't had a drink in a week and feel great. There's been no need to self-mutilate or self-destruct within this past week and be happy. </div><div><br></div><div>Much love and peace to all. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-21779786721661193862015-11-05T10:29:00.001-07:002015-11-05T10:29:42.069-07:00Personal lamentations.I'm sitting in the airport waiting with a chocolate crossiant in one hand and a pumpkin smoothie nearby. Typing with one hand isn't easy but I'm starving and this chocolatey goodness just hits a comfort zone. <div><br></div><div>These last few days have been tormenting. I'm stuck in a self-imposed situation. Don't get me wrong, I have a beautiful life. In a master's program that feels impactful and I have a permanent job with birds in an institution I've devoted 3 years trying to get to this point. So... You may ask why things have been tortuous? </div><div><br></div><div>Let me explain...</div><div><br></div><div>My personal life... </div><div><br></div><div>I found out a few things about a particular person and it's gnawing at me because I can't find myself to confront this particular issue. It seems like a ridiculous reasoning to torture myself over someone else's ordeal but it also pertains to the nature of our being. As much as being the lent ear is a priority in my friendships, it's also something that can curse this brain I reside. This post is meant to be fairly ambiguous but it'll give you a glimmer of what it's like to care so darn much. </div><div><br></div><div>It's contributed a lot to my anxiety. In theory, it'd be great to tackle this head on like the strong person I thought I was but at what cost? Do I jeopardize the friendship? Am I reading too much into this? What if it's a big misunderstanding? The big unknowns... </div><div><br></div><div>It's inadvertantly jeopardizing all my other relationships as I've been fixating on this one problem and not being present. I can't focus on my readings because one word makes me think about this person and it all trains on from there. This really seems like a diary of a mad woman. It's crazy and ridiculous but it's human... I think, in the grand scheme of things, that's one thing I've been forgetting is that- it's human to feel. Feeling is that self-imposed situation. (Aside from the anxiety, it's been impatience, impulsivity, resentment, anger, irrationality, sleeplessness, and fear in the pit of my stomach... essentially insanity)</div><div><br></div><div>All of the closest friends I have divulged the situation to have told me to stick it out. 'If you love someone you work through this kind of nonsense'. The flipside- my parents have told me to remove myself out of the picture and move on. I can't really "let go"... but rather, immerse myself in "mind-alteration" such as work, school, and travel. The complication ensues... </div><div><br></div><div>Last night was the cherry on top. Drank a bit more than usual just to get out of my head. Instead my nerves got the best of me. Without going into too much detail, some of it I regret. I should have just stayed home and listened to some old-school mixed tapes I made in my youth or watched an episode of Home and Away and called it a day. </div><div><br></div><div>I just really don't know what to do...</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-79564763164964404062015-10-30T13:02:00.001-07:002015-10-31T21:52:56.123-07:00Part 2. Coping.<span style="font-size: small;">“Perhaps the whole root of our trouble, the human trouble, is that we
will sacrifice all the beauty of our lives, will imprison ourselves in
totems, taboos, crosses, blood sacrifices, steeples, mosques, races,
armies, flags, nations, in order to deny the fact of death, the only
fact we have.”- <strong>James Baldwin, <em>The Fire Next Time</em>, 1963</strong></span><br><strong></strong><br>I had to include this quote. <strong></strong><br><br>
The reason is because after Sydney passed, I found myself questioning death... It's hard being alone and having these moments where I know I should be taking her for a walk or hugging her soft fur but she's not around. Having those "Oh yeah, that's right, she's gone" kind of moments are hard. <br><br>I chose to get a tattoo to commemorate her on October 14th, 2015. Initially wanted to get it on the 13th but the artist wasn't working. The reasoning being that it was Ian Thorpe's birthday and he had been a pivotal role model in my life. I was 14 years old when I got my dog and my crush was Ian (it has been since I was 8 years old and up to age 25). Always had envisioned this plan that he would be my husband and would have my dog as a ring bearer at my wedding... It was an homage to this transition of a point in my life to where we are now... <br><br>She was/will always be essentially my <b>totem</b> animal (see <a href="http://cassandrabugir.blogspot.com/2015/10/the-other-half-of-my-soul-is-gone-part-1.html" target="_blank">part 1</a>). This is why this quote, I think, hit me hard. I became so used to having her around and took advantage of her presence. Death is always around. It can be in the next couple of hours or a few years from now. That phraseology that "Live every day as though it were your last" (Carpe Diem, YOLO, etc.) really resonates with me now. I took advantage of her presence when I tried to confront my own mortality head on and I, certainly, took advantage of her in a period of time when I had my head stuck up somewhere. No blames to the boys in my past... (note the sarcasm in that last sentence). In all honesty, these are my regrets for not spending enough time with her, talking to her, rough-housing, and playing with her. <br><br>(Side Note/randomness:) Why is it that certain cliches really work? There must be an element of truth in it for it to withstand the test of time. I find it interesting that death, really, is the absolute truth. Our troubles are certainly internalized, self-imposed, and anthropocentric dilemmas which are so trivial in the grand scheme of things. <br><br>Aside from her death, which I made that horrible, logical decision, there's a couple of other things that have been re-evaluated in my life. It's just been a coping mechanism to try and get over the mess that is my hyperactive brain. Just been thinking too much about her and this other situation going on in my life. I recently got an amazing opportunity at a place I feel at home and I'm going to grad school full-time. The only thing that is missing is my "furbaby"... She was the sole purpose for my going on and pursuing life. It just reminded me of 2011 (midway through my last semester as an undergrad), I lost my box turtle Bindie Sue. She was my "transition" puzzle piece from moving to the States in 2000 to 2011. Again, another angel that listened as I wailed on about life. This blog piece doesn't do her justice and, maybe, I'll write about her some day. <br><br>Essentially the last half of my childhood has faded. <br><br>I'm not really sure where this post intended on going really other than give snapshots of longevity and commitment but also some solace in the torment that it's not really longevity when the sands of time fade out in each and every one of us. <br>
<strong></strong>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-15789169496954875952015-10-05T16:00:00.001-07:002015-10-05T16:38:25.414-07:00The other half of my soul is gone (Part 1)<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9lrfrqp7Trzj3YNUe5hF-3x117pN4NCegvJjXgI8knM5OEPF9y_4jeAvuqFyl_uibWsz0d-xk-Jk1CUkHsNsF-hUlnWTlbPe7v7mBPrmlmWHR_seyLdGfrVUuZvZTgZje631zkMKvzVM/s1600/IMG_1407.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9lrfrqp7Trzj3YNUe5hF-3x117pN4NCegvJjXgI8knM5OEPF9y_4jeAvuqFyl_uibWsz0d-xk-Jk1CUkHsNsF-hUlnWTlbPe7v7mBPrmlmWHR_seyLdGfrVUuZvZTgZje631zkMKvzVM/s320/IMG_1407.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I had never wanted to get an Australian Shepherd because I thought it was cruel their tails were docked. One Valentine's day (2003) I got this little card from my best friend with a blue merle aussie on it and just thought it was the most precious dog on the face of this planet. As a 14 year old girl, it was all impulsivity and the cute things in life that were part of coping with the ridiculous hormonal changes that happen. </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">SOLD! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Never became obsolete. As it always does... </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I consulted my parents to get a dog (albeit naively... anyone with an aussie understands) and the classified section of the newspaper religiously to find a blue merle puppy within a decent price range ($300).</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> Finally found a lady in Salida who had a litter born January 18th, 2004. Because of the distance we decided to compromise and find a destination midway- less stress on all fronts. I</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">t was Good Friday 2004, when my family and I went up to the Thornton or Brighton Fairgrounds (some kind of dog show... my memory gets a bit hazy here) and met this mottled furball with green and gold marbles for eyes and one black- socked paw. The lady appropriately named this dainty legged pup- Tenderfoot.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Something cosmic happened... I can't exactly explain what/how but just think of when Harry Potter gets matched with his wand.. (corny, I know, but it's the example that came to mind)... Nevertheless, All felt right with the world... </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sydney Truganini Adelaide Bugir. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We already had a chow chow named Coco, who we brought with us when we came to the States from Australia. She was my mother's dog and I was so adamant about having my own velcro dog. We introduced Sydney to Coco, much to the matron dog's dismay... It was clear who was alpha-bitch. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I had my own companion. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">That night, I took her for a walk so she could clear her little bladder and we went to sleep. She peed on the carpet and I started having regrets as I was cleaning (think postpartum depression kind of regrets). BUT, I was in this for life. Her life was in my hands. Couldn't wait to see her capabilities and what essentially I was getting into...She was so smart and picked up sitting straight away. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">On Easter Sunday, we got a Beagle named Max and that was my brother's dog. Syd and Max were instantly the best of friends. In retrospect, he probably thought more of the world of her and she was just so ADD.. took after me, in that sense... </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Those two were a comedic duo and definitely worked in concertina destroying our material possessions... One story that comes to mind-</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My dad had wanted a Linden tree. It's a Ukrainian thing. Linden trees can be used as tea for fevers and some other old wives' tale mythology I can't necessarily remember. Anyway, Syd formulated this plan with Max to take down this tree... My parents had just planted the relatively large sapling in the rock bed we had in the backyard of our old house. She saw the methods used to get the tree into the ground and worked on uprooting it. Max had an oral fixation with wood (get your mind out of the gutter...) and chewed/pulled the poor tree (as well as our deck). A moment later, we looked out the window and saw the two puppies running with this tree. One mouth on each side just playing tug of war and having a grand time. It's hard not to be mad at something so...Hilarious? Is that the right word? Perhaps, clever...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Needless to say, we replaced the tree with another, older Linden tree. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">These kinds of shenanigans also happened to various homemade sausage logs (back when my dad... like many dads... was obsessed with his smoker), clothes, books, pet beds, toys, and, again, whatever material possessions. I knew my Syd was the mastermind... I raised her and it seems "miss smarty-pants attitude" rubbed off during the bonding process. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />I graduated high school in 2007. We left the dogs outside because of celebrations and didn't want to come home to accidents. The following morning, the doorbell rang... animal control was on the other end and had warned us that our neighbour(s) had complained the dogs were barking. We explained our situation, animal control gave us resources and took our side. Needless to say, my temper got the best of me and I gave those neighbours a piece of my mind... For anyone who has an issue with dogs barking... talk to the problem first before hiding behind law enforcement... Be an adult... <br /><br />We lost Coco October 2nd, 2008. This was the first time had ever been exposed to euthanasia in animals but it was my mum's dog and we had the other two still at home. It didn't feel so empty... There was emptiness there but it wasn't like coming home to an empty house. Coco has a special place in my heart and I feel like I'm not doing her justice by devoting only a paragraph to her but she's a different story. One day she'll get her own tribute. <br /><br />Down to 2. <br /><br />One of Sydney's favourite things to do was go "Bye-bye". She was the first one in the car... I took her with me (alternated with my rabbit) to the University sometimes just because she was my companion and it was nice stress relief for the other students. We even made it into an issue of the Boulder Daily Camera sitting outside the campus stairs. Having her in the car was a joy. Could just take her anywhere and yak away about the day. She was such a great ear to vent to and very aware of the surroundings. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />One car trip to Boulder, we were waiting at the light on Table Mesa road and there was a motorcyclist behind us. The noise or the masked face of the rider made Syd so angry. She growled, snarled, and barked the loudest I had ever heard her bark. Quite frankly, I was scared. Syd never did that to any of the motorcyclists in our neighborhood... hmm. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In my last semester of undergrad, my box turtle and best friend, Bindie Sue, passed away traumatically (September 23rd, 2011). I was a nightmare. Skipped classes, didn't shower for days on end and couldn't sleep in my own room. Sydney was my saving grace throughout that ordeal. She was so scared of that turtle... She slept on the bed with me, which she usually didn't do (her fur made her hot quickly and she was independent with which to begin)... licked the tears off my face and was the perfect cuddle buddy. <br /><br />October 19th, 2012. Max passed away. He was a genetic mosaic of every textbook problem. Don't get me wrong, I loved that boy to death but he was always at the vets office. The people we got him from named him "Cash" and, sure as hell, he cost us a lot of cash... Nevertheless he was such a beautiful soul and a funny little beagle. I loved how he would cuddle up with you on the couch and had no consideration for personal space. He was 8 years old when we had to have him euthanized. Max had a stroke from which he never recovered.<br /><br />At least we still had Syd and the foster kittens... <br /><br />We made the best for her as best we could. Spoiled her to death with Goodtimes pawbenders, lots of "bye-byes"/walks, and toys out the wazoo. Tried taking her with me to the doggy day care where I worked. She didn't much enjoy other dogs' company. Very velcro. Very bossy. Very human-oriented. My brother used to tease her by opening my bedroom door rapidly and singing a part of "Wonderlust King" by Gogol Bordello obnoxiously... She got so upset by that. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL4PobA6fD-6A9XIkSLJRlbnyL6IMLDyr6qhM7tjQoZfh-ti9UHnCN54p0Hz34iHNVDS4tjMNT1xRt3mHdLKCE7fP_da4MOBbA3f8dhyphenhyphenb51P-M5ACGPkTEg4zA263GcOS5sDPLhhCesvI/s1600/IMG_2781.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL4PobA6fD-6A9XIkSLJRlbnyL6IMLDyr6qhM7tjQoZfh-ti9UHnCN54p0Hz34iHNVDS4tjMNT1xRt3mHdLKCE7fP_da4MOBbA3f8dhyphenhyphenb51P-M5ACGPkTEg4zA263GcOS5sDPLhhCesvI/s320/IMG_2781.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />September 21st, 2013... This is the hardest and darkest part of my life that I don't really want to delve into. Those who know me, know what this day signifies and Syd was there with me when it all was happening. I looked into her eyes as I had one toe in the grave and realized she was the reason why I stuck around on this planet. Depression is something that I face every odd year... It's seasonal but it's probably not going to go away anytime soon. I believe in riding out the storm, giving up thoughts sometimes, using it as a creative outlet, but never in imbibing prescription anti-depressants. <br /><br />October 2nd, 2015. I took Syd for a drive with me after an unnerving night's sleep. There were so many thoughts flooding through my mind. Mentally needed clarity, so we went up to the mountains. She was so beautiful just sitting in the seat next to me, looking out the window and at me while I was talking to her. Syd knew me better than I knew myself. I felt at peace with her. I apologized to her for being kind of out of it and not being a present animal mother. We listened to Bastille's Bad Blood album in its entirety and switched to Vance Joy. It was beautiful seeing the changing leaves and having ice cream together up in Nederland. Dorothy and Toto. I had a ZZ Ward concert that night so needed to get home and prep for that. <br /><br />October 3rd, 2015 is a day I will never forget. Sydney was not herself. So lethargic, belabored breathing and her abdomen seemed not quite right to me. She didn't eat at all and didn't even react to when we asked her if she wanted to go "Bye-Bye" or when I put cheese (Her fave) right in front. Called the vet, got there by 11:05am. She couldn't walk much. [I got scared because in February, while I was visiting my grandma, Syd collapsed and was struggling. She had pericardial fluid build up in her heart. That was drained. Syd was okay after that but according to the paperwork it was indicative of cancer.] Her abdomen had masses in there that ruptured. Syd's body was filling up with fluid. <br /><br />Intuitively, I knew this was the beginning of the end and sure enough... It was. My life crashed at 12:47pm with her euthanasia. My brother and best friend were there with me. I called my best friend because, in March, I had to euthanize her dog so I thought she could probably use the closure with Sydney. So glad to have these two beautiful souls with me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Now we're at no dogs but a rabbit and a cat, both were raised by Sydney. They were the three amigos. Chai, my cat, is very lost just like me. I'm not sure how Winchester is processing this all. We're in the phantom stage where it still feels as though her presence is in the house but it's not. That duality is what is leading me to emotional breakdowns and thoughts I haven't had in such a long time. The other half of my soul is gone. She wasn't just my dog, she was the best friend I needed for this leg of the life tour... She raised me when I thought I was raising her. She taught me to love unconditionally. To nurture that child within and the maternal nature towards all living beings. It's hard to culminate the memories at the moment as this is so raw. Not sure how many parts there will be but just needed to scribe the bare bones. What's so strange about all of this is Gwen Stefani was my hero throughout high school and Syd died on her birthday... <br /><br />So thankful for the support of friends and family. Really having a hard time standing on my own two feet but you guys have been incredible.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-23928188147013762312015-09-27T12:40:00.004-07:002015-09-27T14:39:26.759-07:00Non-Human Animals' Actualities in the Scope of the Indigenous Australian Lens<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Abstract</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Australian Aboriginal history from over forty thousand years to modern
day has been passed down orally, making it a personal spirituality rather than
a manuscript as in the western tradition. Tribes were fragmented throughout the
regions of this vast continent. The colonization of the continent by white
settlers in the 1800's wiped away many of the tribes, forcing them to create
alliances. The romanticism of Dreamtime, as well as its negation by western
missionaries, elevated this complex tradition. Indeed it was very complex. It
provided knowledge of the land and awareness of spirituality that lead to consideration
of the time before all was incarnated. This work highlights four spectrums of
non-human animals - in environmental interactions, food sources, medicinal uses
and totemic structures. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Introduction</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Aboriginal Dreamtime is more of a spiritual state with a mythological
story telling tradition, than a mainstream religion. There are approximately
five hundred tribes scattered all over Australia, each passing down their stories
of creation. These five hundred are then broadly categorized into two divisions
- inland or coastline. The division is based on environmental considerations as
well as in differences of how life and death are viewed. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Dreamtime describes the landscapes, stars and galaxies, plants animals
and humans before their carnal fruition. The four main precepts of dreamtime
are: the origin of all things, the spiritual influence of ancestors, the
inevitable cycle of birth and death and the power source of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dreamtime myths explain why native animals
have their specific characteristics, such as how the kookaburras got its laugh,
why frogs croak, why some birds lay their eggs in the sand and how the Kangaroo
got its tail. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"Coming
from widely divergent sources, it is natural that there should be
inconsistencies and contradictory elements. This is the case in the Creation
myths and the folklore concerning animals when the land was still in the
Dreamtime. From some legends we learn that animals and insects were brought to
life at the touch of Yhi, the sun Goddess, and that Man, the final creation,
was made in the bodily and mental form of Baiame, the Great Spirit (Reed,
1994)." </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Even though there is such a naturalistic beauty in this spirituality
it is vital to remember the violent history to which the natives and their land
have been subjected. The indigenous tribes had passed down stories and explored
the land ever since Australia split from Gondwana, reiterating the forty
thousand plus years. This nominal forty thousand years is in accordance with orated
history but current anthropological consensus suggests it is more around the
sixty-five thousand year mark. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">To understand the Aboriginal perspective on animals it is important to
understand their human and tribal history. It is not simply an anthropocentric
perspective. It is to contrast the consistent discrediting of indigenous
culture with the superiority of the white man towards the unknown. This allows
us to observe the resultant effects upon the humanity of the indigenous and
their environment. Their forty thousand years of experiencing the land and
passing down expectations to progeny of how to live off the land is beneficial
for the environment and there is little evidence of resource exploitation. On
the other hand, the convicts who arrived from the United Kingdom to New South Wales,
Australia on January 26<sup>th</sup> 1788 had minimal resources from the First
Fleet, but they did have an expansive exploitative mentality from Mother England.
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">According to a well-known naturalist named Carl Lumholtz, “It is a
well-known fact that the Australian natives are almost wholly devoid of
religious susceptibilities.”<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1389379654531859768#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Didot; font-size: 12pt;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a>
This value judgment, coming from the mid-nineteen hundreds, shows the
formalities of the western world and places a positive spin on missionary
failures. This statement also underscores the lack of spiritual knowledge of
the western world while simultaneously negating the value of indigenous
practices. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Spiritual totems guide the Aboriginal tribes, manifesting themselves
in animal bodies or retaining their soul form as in the Dreamtime. This spiritual
knowledge could aid the future generations incarnating with their tribulations
and assist in "white man" and indigenous coexistence. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"We
also believed that this would lead to non-aboriginal people developing a better
understanding of our Ngarrindjeri traditions and our relationships to the land,
water, trees, plants, and animals (Grim 2001)." </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="BodyA">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">In
order to try to combat this culture difference, certain tribes have created
cultural centers. Sharing traditions through song, dance and other forms is a
fairly recent innovation. Preservation of oral traditions - stories of the time
before becoming carnal beings -from generation to generation for tens of
thousands of years to teach those who will listen. A lot of these culture
centers are funded by state governments. It must be noted that the national
government of Australia apologized to the tribes as a whole of the malevolent
historical events that took place and the countless "stolen
generations" decimating tribe populations. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"We
do all these things, sharing our culture to develop better understanding, to
help overcome false interpretations and racism toward Ngarrindjeri people, and
to help correct stereotyped history about the European settlement of the land
(Grim 2001)."</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="BodyA">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Whether
it is the Ngarrindjeri people or the Kakadu people, it is important, from an
outsider perspective, to observe the similarities and differences of each tribe
rather than lump Indigenous Australian Dreamtime into one category. One must
also take into account the romanticized perspective perpetuated by scholars who
do not fully explore the balance through careful multi-dimensional analysis. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="BodyA">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">This work will only skim the surface of this subtradition's
perspective on animals by toeing through the tribe's innate survival techniques
in the environment and practicalities as well as a woven theme of totemic
structures. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Animals in Medicine</span></b></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">When non-aboriginals settled on the island continent of Australia,
they brought with them diseases unknown to the natives. Smallpox was one of the
more prevalent diseases and as a result many individuals passed away because of
unknown treatment. Another devastating aspect was the introduction of invasive
species that have destroyed native fauna. These invasive species (a whole
different debate) both flora and fauna also encompassed humans. These humans would
have had a lot of sick individuals from the voyage to this new world and
affected their native counterparts. This potent combination of non-indigenous
humans, flora and fauna would have had a deleterious impact on potential food
sources. This problem would have affected the health of both the indigenous and
convict immigrants. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">It must be noted that according to a study in 2007, indigenous health
reports comparing North America, Australia and New Zealand, Australia rated the
lowest. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"Much
of the disease among Indigenous Australians is preventable being the result of
poverty, overcrowding, poor sanitation, low levels of education, poor nutrition
and poor access to accurate diagnosis and treatment (Mackay 2007)."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">The average age of Indigenous Australians is seventeen years less than
non-Aboriginals based on literacy rates and lack of western medicinal care. Several
charities have focused on supplying children with literacy backpacks and other
educational tools to help their life expectancy. Staying true to tradition and
tribal methods, the tribe makes sure that their children are taught their way
and not become too westernized. Of course this is a heavy generalization as
there are some of the five hundred tribes that do implement a literacy
structure in order for survival of their clans. As in many human endeavors,
there are purists who sacrifice the common good at the altar of belief. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">The particular regional tribe covered in this paper is located near
Kakadu National Park.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Kakadu is a western mispronunciation of Gagadju, a former language found
in this region of the Northern Territory. Rock formations and wetlands in the
Kakadu National Park are said to be caused by the Rainbow serpent, a spirit of
the Dreamtime who came at the beginning of time in the form of a snake and
flooded the lands only to be sent up back to the sky. As a result, prismatic
crystals are found in this region and are used by the medicine-man, known as
Margi, of the clan.</span><span style="font-family: Didot;"> </span><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;"></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"Prismatic
crystals, in the form of granite, are honored by Aboriginals as sacred and
powerful stones. Allowing for increased protection and abundance, granite has
been used to strengthen the hair and relieve ailments associated with the face
and head. It is important to note that the Rainbow Serpent of the Dreamtime
laid her eggs of granite. This myth further extends the inextricable link
between the animal of creation, the animals and clans of the present
environment to their medicinal wellness (Clarke, 2008)."</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Another example of animals in medicine is the calling of totemic
structures (more on this subject later) to heal the body ailments and addiction
problems. One of the most prevalent problems facing the entire Australian
Aboriginal community is alcoholism. Alcohol, before the settlers, was a weak
potion made from plants in the local area such as Pandanus plant (prominent in
Northern Territory, what the Kakadu tribe would drink), honey (from either
honey pot ants or from bees, depending on geographic range), coconut
(north-eastern) and certain types of eucalyptus gum trees (southern Australian
states and Tasmania). The introduction of white settlers introduced stronger
forms of alcohol and, essentially indentured servitude in return. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"Many
Aboriginal labourers were paid in alcohol or tobacco (if their wages were not
stolen). In the early 1800s a favourite spectator sport of white people in
Sydney was to ply Aboriginal men with alcohol and encourage them to fight each
other, often to the death (Korf 2014)."</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Recent statistics of this problem- seventeen percent of the indigenous
population binge drink and forty-eight percent of mothers drink while pregnant.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1389379654531859768#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><sup><span style="border: medium none; font-family: Didot; font-size: 12pt;">[2]</span></sup></span></sup></a> Some
tribes are more susceptible to alcoholism whereas others are finding ways to
mend this insidious disorder. Even though alcoholism is often portrayed as a
prevalence in indigenous communities (even in Native North American cultures),
it is actually a misconception. Most corroboree dances, song circles, cane toad
races and other Aboriginal events are alcohol-free events, much unlike non-aboriginal
events. The unfortunate twist to this misconception is that even though many
Aborigines do not drink, those that do drink excessively. In this case, excess
is upward of 12 drinks in one sitting, multiple times per week. Therefore those
that do drink excessively need intervention before an alcohol-related death
occurs. Intervention through spiritual totemic structures is an example of the
reliance of humans on nonhuman animals beyond sustenance. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 39.25pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"The men also talk about their
spirit totems, animals like turtles, fish and wallabies. One goal of the
Healing Program is to help Aboriginals find their personal spirit totem.
Calling on animal spirits is definitely out of vogue in Western culture. As the
writer notes, 'That does not translate easily to a Western mindset focused on
client outcomes and objectives (Fitzgerald 2011)." </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">There is another example in the book <i>Secrets of Aboriginal Healing:
A Physicist's Journey with a Remote Australian tribe</i> which explains an
outsider named Gary Holz receiving a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. He was
told that there was no cure and decided to engage with the Aboriginal
community. In this book, co-written by his wife Robin, explores using
Aboriginal dreamtime by ways of spiritual totems and reprogramming the
subconscious. They explore the practices of going on a walkabout and
participating in spiritual events. In this manner they engage the thought
patterns of why illnesses happen, and how this relates to the subconscious.
This is an example of externalizing ancient medicine through animal spirits and
reprogramming the psyche to cure trials and tribulations. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Animals in the Environment and Symbolism</span></b></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">An important part of Aboriginal culture is going on a walkabout,
learning about oneself and being present in one’s role in the environment. This
is similar to various North American Indian tribes in their Vision Quests. Much
of the walkabout is focused on observation of animals, learning familiarity
with surroundings, communicating with the creator and one’s predecessors who
may be either spirit or non-human animal in form. This knowledge is used to
understand one’s role and expected behaviors in the clan. The outcomes enable
one to hunt animals for sustenance, ensuring that those animals are not
ancestors (more in "food sources and uses"). The duration of the
walkabout is varied and the legends become a guide for the individual to
survive and expand their understanding of their environment. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 39.25pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"When you go on the walkabout as a
young Aboriginal child, you mimic the trajectories of the primordial ancestors
in walking the Songlines. When you walk those trajectories, those sacred
itineraries of the time when the primordial Ancestors walked and sang, and the
song sang the world into existence, you were involved both in an act of
remembrance but also in an act of creation. Because the world at your feet both
exists and yet, by definition, is waiting to be born. We tried to describe this
other universe as the Dreaming or Dreamtime, but that turns out to be a very
crude and misguided simile. That universe is not an abstraction. It’s literally
another world (Davis 2004)."</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">The interior Australian continent is arid. Much of the weather
patterns were explained by animal manifested spirits being slighted or the
natural predator-prey relationship. Also explained by nonhuman animal spiritual
relationships are natural environment features. Natural features such as Ayers
Rock or Uluru are analogous to sacred temples. These elements were formed by
spirits and therefore, any spectator must revere this work simply by
observance. Disturbing an already fragmented spirituality and environment is
just as irreverent as was the conversion process in the beginning of
Australia's formation. A mythological example of specific features is "a
distinctive patch of ochre on a hillside in the Flinders Range was all that
remained of an emu hounded to its death by a pack of Dreamtime dogs (Allan
2009)." </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Many, if not all, Aborigines orally pass down generational stories of
their totem animal's origins and the earthly patterns. These are often as a
result of the ritualistic dreamtime walkabout.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Celestial stories also indicate animal involvement. In the particular
story of <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Why Kookaburra Laughs At
Dawn,</span> the sun, moon and stars are being formed but need an indicator
when the sun’s revolutions occur. Upon creation, the beings on earth needed an
alarm clock to wake up from their dreaming. The creator spirits Punjel and
Baiame heard a kookaburra (translated from gogobera which means "the
laughing jackass") laugh and asked the bird to announce the start of each
new day to which he happily obliged.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"Baiame
had begun his acts of creation, but had not yet determined what form his people
would take. These animals he had made were his first experiments... Baiame
preferred to remain in his home in the Milky Way which he shares with another
powerful spirit, whose name was Punjel...The huge animals of the darkness have
had their day. Now it is time to people this world of mine with little animals,
small birds and reptiles, even tiny insects that we can scarcely see, and to
put silvery fish into the rivers and lakes...kookaburra, before the sky fire is
lit each morning Baiame will hang a star in the eastern sky (Reed 1994)."</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">One of the ways aborigines pay homage to the environment is by
painting the land and the animals they have encountered. Western paintings of
the landscape describe the individual components comprising the segment of land
and give the spectator a snapshot moment. Aboriginal paintings </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"contain
stories rooted in Dreamtime mythology. On others, they are stylized
navigational aids to food sources, or spiritual maps pertaining to sacred
sites, and sometimes even dispense moral guidance and entertainment. Always,
they express the imprint of the land on the native psyche (Bachman 1994)."
</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">There is a deeply profound connection between the surroundings and other
living beings. As a result, this gives a big picture effect rather than a
candid glimmer into someone's life. In the indigenous worldview, the
environment is an inclusive, self-regulating entity that responds according to
the emotions and spirituality projected upon it.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Animals as food sources and uses</span></b></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Anthropologists argue that the first human, non-human animal
interaction on the still forming continent of Australia was probably negative.
Predecessors to Kangaroos, known as the Sthenurinae, around the Pleistocene
era, were larger than modern day fauna. Aboriginal ancestors most likely viewed
these giants as a threat (likewise from the non‑human's awareness), thus it was
"either I kill him or he kills me" mentality.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">“…the
coexistence of Aborigines and the megafauna is indicated in late Pleistocene
deposits.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1389379654531859768#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Didot; font-size: 12pt;">[3]</span></span></span></span></a> Since
the impact of Aboriginal hunting and habitat alteration have been implicated in
the demise of this fauna<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1389379654531859768#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Didot; font-size: 12pt;">[4]</span></span></span></span></a>,
the first relationship between people and kangaroos was probably negative from
the animal’s perspective (Croft 1991).”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Prior to colonization, the Kakadu Aborigines predominantly ate
whatever they could find. There were, like the Abrahamic traditions, exceptions
of what not to eat, especially if it pertained to the animals that represented
their tribes. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">“A
wide range of plants and animals were eaten, and insect foods included certain
ants, grubs and beetles, while streams provided fish and eels. Many birds were
eaten, including waterfowl, scrub fowl, the Cassowary and the Jabiru. The
yellow fat of the goanna (a large Australian lizard) was considered a delicacy
(Welch 2014).”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Another factor to take into consideration is their perspective on
introduced animals. There is little recollection of the first time Indigenous
Australians encountered livestock and other animals that the colonists brought
with them. However based on the diet structure of native fauna versus
introduced, it would be quite on par and therefore resource competition would
have been prevalent. Farmsteads set up near billabongs and other watering holes
encroached on native territory, displacing individuals who would have walked
straight through the land. Habitat fragmentation would have also called for
crop and livestock protection and any intruder seen on the premises. This would
have depleted an otherwise bountiful fauna and impacted food resources for
indigenous Australians. The quality of diet would have been (and still
continues to be) dismal in comparison to pre‑colonial days. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">In an attempt to adjust to western ways Aborigines set up cattle
ranches. Implementing the new settler’s way of life into the indigenous
lifestyle, they capitalized on the cattle trade. Understanding the environment
and learning about the animals ensured a consistent food supply for both indigenous
and white Australians. It changed the relationship of both aborigines and white
man by creating an economy and co-dependence. Unfortunately, this sometimes manifested
itself in an exploitative way. Nevertheless, Aborigines could keep their
dreamtime traditions and learn some modern skills to survive in this newly
industrializing continent. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Animals were not just used for food, but hides for clothes and
vessels, bones for ritualistic adornments and weaponry, and suchlike. Ensuring
that whatever animal was slaughtered, parts could be salvaged, therefore
utilizing the whole animal rather than simply just the meat and letting all the
rest return to the soil or be wasted. Ochre paints were used mark the body in
tribal adornments for ritualistic dances and song ceremonies. Emu fat now
replaced by vegetable fats or even butter primed skin for these paints. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">“People
climbed trees to catch animals and reach native beehives for honey. Wax from
the beehives was used to seal water containers, and as a resin when making
weapons and for decoration. Throughout much of Australia, a small hatchet with
a stone head was used to cut toe holds into trees to assist in climbing....
strong jungle vines are used like ropes to assist climbing trees in search of
both animals and native bee hives’ wax and honey (Welch 2014).”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Totemic structure</span></b></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"Winjarning
Brothers and the Evil One" provides an example of animal equality from
kangaroos to "...a dingo, a Goanna, a snake, a frilled lizard, a crow, a
magpie, and a wombat... A centipede darted out, and met the same fate. A moth
fluttered upwards and was caught with difficulty (Reed, 1994)." </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">The story tells of an evil spirit who beguiles and kills a woman. Her
brothers and husband's brothers seek out the evil spirit in human form and
eventually destroy him after the spirit has taken many animal forms. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">The clan’s totem highlights another aspect of relationships between
animals and Aboriginals. In the Kakadu, lizards, insects and birds typically
represent clans. These animals are lower in the food chain hierarchy but are the
respected essence of the clan. Animals that are ritually important also have
separate names. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"For
instance two lizards that look quite similar - Gould's Goanna Varanis gouldii
and Sand Goanna V. panoptes are respectively Djani and Garawan. The first is
food for anyone, but the second is only for those who pass 'ceremony tests'.
Animals that have no important stories or are not food items are often lumped
together. For instance small brown wading birds are collectively called
'Kolarawikwik' and medium-sized white or grey birds are all 'Marouk'
(Goodfellow, 2014)."</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">There are specific animals that represent a clan within the particular
tribe. If you were to say someone is "scorpion dreaming" or
"taipan dreaming" it is their particular spiritual energy manifested
in that particular animal. These animals have symbolic significance because of
observed powers and characteristics. Take for instance the snake. One can
readily understand injecting venom bringing death to its victim or the act of constricting
symbolizing the impulse nature of creation. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"The
Aborigines used the word djang to describe the spiritual energy that attached
to spots hallowed by their connections with the legendary past, seeking to tap
it through rituals and dances that linked the living to their remote ancestors
(Allan 2009)."</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Dreamtime totems are classified into the following
categories-individual, gender, sectional and sub-sectional, clan, local,
moiety, conception, birth, death and combination or multiple. The individual
totem is usually manifested through walkabout as an initiation rite of passage.
An animal spirit resonates with the individual in tune with the environment and
becomes a part of that human. Genders are usually represented with an emblem of
a non‑human animal signifying the difference of the genders and their
solidarity with one another. Sectional and sub-sectional totems are based on
categorization of lineages. Tribes are divided by up to eight sections, based
on matrilineal descents. The sectional and sub‑sectional totems formed on
kinship adopt a certain mutual ritual to represent the bond based on the
particular animal emblem. Examples are mainly birds such as wedge-tailed eagles
and ibis, whereas the more southern clans in the Kakadu tribes have macropods
such as wallabies.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1389379654531859768#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><sup><span style="border: medium none; font-family: Didot; font-size: 12pt;">[5]</span></sup></span></sup></a> </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Birth and death are one of the four major bullet points, if you will,
of Dreamtime. Conception and pregnancy is a time allocated before the child is
implanted in the womb. The prospective mother calls upon her totem to envision
her child's destiny and future before conception. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"The
child may appear in conjunction with a natural phenomenon, often one connected
with the father, with his country, or his social unit. This is the child's
conception totem (Monroe 2011)." </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">The birth totem is often associated with the Rainbow Serpent as he or
she, depending on region, is the symbol of fertility and children. Death, on
the other hand, begs for the totem to be removed from the individual's carnal
bondage. Any ancestral name must not be spoken of again after a passing but
simply the ancestor's totem can remain with the clan. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Conclusion</span></b></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Many aboriginals have a profound respect for their surroundings. They
intimately understand what it means to be a part of the environment and that
animals have an important place upon this earth. This is something upon which many
western anthropologists have commented. Furthermore, they have noted their
inability to practice or have the knowledge to implement into their own lives.
The tradition of Dreamtime has surpassed its violent history and remained
steadfastly true to ancestral traditions versus converting to western
traditions embodies by the settlers of the early 1800's. There have even been
recent (in the past one hundred years or so) cross-cultural alliances, in
economizing livestock production and improving the lives of the rural
indigenous communities.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">The Kakadu tribe believes that their ancestors take the form of an
animal in the next Dreamtime. Their animal totems essentially dictate diet, in
order to not eat a particular ancestor, as well as how to overcome sicknesses
such as a chronic disorder as alcoholism. Certain totems of clans emulate the
characteristics present in tribal members to which they manifest in song and
dance. The connection between deceased family members and their spirits as
manifested in animals underscores the depth of connection between Aborigines
and the wildlife of the Northern Territory. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"The
Margi, or medicine men, of the Kakadu tribe, tell the latter that the bird is a
relative of theirs and that when they hear it twittering the Yalmuru, or
Iwaiyu, of someone, such as their father or father's brother, is close at hand
and will show them where there is game to be captured. The Margi says, You will
not see anything but you will feel it, that is the Iwaiyu, inside you (Spencer,
1914)." </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">The natural environment features, according to Dreamtime, is because
of spirits and non‑human animals laying dormant in the time before our time. Imagery
of preceding gargantuan megafauna underneath the layers of earth carving
mountains and cliffs into this vast continent. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">"According
to Aboriginal mythology, much of the Australian landscape is populated by huge
hibernating beasts, and etched by the marks of their passing (Bachman
1994)." </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Whilst this paper only covered certain elements of the Aboriginal
Dreamtime, particularly in the Northern Territory, there are many other facets
and perspectives that warrant deeper discussions. Generalizations of tribes and
romanticizing ideologies suppresses the core essences of these clans and the individuals
comprising them. Lumping the five hundred odd tribes into one, despite some
degree of overlap in mythology, limits the tradition. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Stories get lost in the flames of ignorance and true history never
makes its way into textbooks or public awareness. Clearing up misconceptions
about the indigenous being heavy alcoholics because of their oppression is
another factor to be considered. This, by no means is discrediting of western
culture, but rather diagramming indigenous perspectives on animals by way of
their history.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Didot; font-size: 12pt;"><br clear="all" style="mso-special-character: line-break; page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
</span><div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">References</span></b></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Allan, T. (2009). <i>Myths of the World: The Illustrated Treasury of
the World's Greatest Stories. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></i>London:
Duncan Baird Publishers Ltd. Pp. 290-305. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Bachman, B. (1994). <i>Australian Colors: Images of the Outback</i>.
New York: Amphoto Art.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Clarke, P. (2008).“Aboriginal healing practices and Australian bush
medicine”.<br />
<i><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Journal of the
Anthropological Society of South Australia</i>. Vol. 33.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><h1>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Croft, D. B. (1991). </span><span style="font-family: Didot; font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Australian People and Animals in
Today's Dreamtime: The Role of <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Comparative
Psychology in the Management of Natural Resources. New York: <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Praeger Publishers.</span></span></h1>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Davis, W. (2004, May 27th). “The Ethnosphere and the Academy.” <i>Keynote
Speech at <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Indigenous Knowledges:
Transforming the Academy Conference</i>. Pennsylvania State <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>University </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Fitzgerald, M. (2011). <i>Australian Aborigines ask the Animal Spirits
to Help Fight Alcoholism</i>. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Latitudenews.com.
Accessed: November 23<sup>rd</sup>, 2014. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="BodyA" style="mso-pagination: none;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Goodfellow, D. (2014).“The Aboriginal
Classification of Animals”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><a href="http://www.earthfoot.org/lit_zone/aniclass.htm"><span class="Hyperlink2">http://www.earthfoot.org/lit_zone/aniclass.htm</span></a></span><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">. Accessed: December
1st, 2014.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Grim, J. A. (2001). "Kumarangk: The Survival of a Battered
People". <i>Indigenous Traditions <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>and
Ecology: The Interbeing of Cosmology and Community</i>. Cambridge: Harvard <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>University Press. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Korf, J. (2014). <i>Aboriginal Culture - Health- Aboriginal Alcohol
Consumption</i>. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Didot;"><a href="http://www.creativespirits.info/"><span class="Hyperlink3"><span style="font-family: Didot;">www.creativespirits.info</span></span></a></span><span class="Hyperlink3"><span style="font-family: Didot;">. Accessed: December 1<sup>st</sup>,
2014.</span></span><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;"></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">MacKay, H. (2007). <i>Advance Australia... Where?: How we've changed,
why we've changed and <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>what will
happen next?</i>. Sydney: Hachette Australia</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Monroe, M. H. (2011, September 30th). <i>Australia: The Land Where
Time Began</i>. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Didot;"><a href="http://austhrutime.com/aboriginal_totemism.htm"><span class="Hyperlink3"><span style="font-family: Didot;">http://austhrutime.com/aboriginal_totemism.htm</span></span></a></span><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">. Accessed: December
5th, 2014</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Reed, A.W. (1994). <i>Aboriginal Stories</i>. Chatswood:</span><span style="font-family: Didot;"> </span><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Reed books.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Spencer, B. (1914).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Native
Tribes of the Northern Territory of Australia</i> <br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Didot;"><a href="http://www.sacred-texts.com/aus/ntna/ntna12.htm"><span class="Hyperlink2">http://www.sacred-texts.com/aus/ntna/ntna12.htm</span></a></span><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;"> London: Macmillan
And Co. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Chapter X. pp. 331.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Welch, D. (2014). <i>Traditional Life</i>. </span><span style="font-family: Didot;"><a href="http://www.aboriginalculture.com.au/"><span class="Hyperlink3"><span style="font-family: Didot;">www.aboriginalculture.com.au</span></span></a></span><span style="font-family: Didot; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">. Accessed: November
23rd, <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>2014.</span><span style="font-family: Didot;"></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<span style="color: white;"><br clear="all" />
</span><hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="color: white;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1389379654531859768#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a> <span style="font-size: 10.0pt;">Quote obtained from Stanner, W. E. H.’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">White Man got no Dreaming</i> chapter “Religion,
Totemism and Symbolism.” (1962).</span></span> </div>
</div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="color: white;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1389379654531859768#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><sup><span style="border: medium none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10pt;">[2]</span></sup></span></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Recent statistics based on </span><a href="http://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/health/aboriginal-alcohol-consumption"><span class="Hyperlink0"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">http://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/health/aboriginal-alcohol-consumption</span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
</div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="color: white;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1389379654531859768#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;">[3]</span></span></span></span></a> <span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Unicode MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Arial Unicode MS"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Arial Unicode MS";">Coexistence of
humans and megafauna in Australia: improved stratified evidence. Archaeology in
Oceania Vol. 19, Issue 3, pp. 117-119 by Gorecki et. al in October 1984</span><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"></span></span></div>
</div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="color: white;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1389379654531859768#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10pt;">[4]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Flannery 1984</span></span></div>
</div>
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div id="ftn5" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<span style="color: white;">
</span><div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="color: white;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1389379654531859768#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><sup><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><sup><span style="border: medium none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10pt;">[5]</span></sup></span></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span><a href="http://austhrutime.com/aboriginal_totemism.htm"><span class="Hyperlink2"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">http://austhrutime.com/aboriginal_totemism.htm</span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Gives a more in depth perspective on these different
classifications</span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-83693852161946527382015-09-22T17:07:00.001-07:002015-09-22T17:07:25.100-07:00Catharsis in death.I've slacked off on blogging but this really needed to be articulated. Some things have been weighing heavily on my heart to the point of affecting my interpersonal communication and choosing to shut out the world. <br /><br />5:27pm Mountain Time.... The phone call that result in anguish and relief, simultaneously. <br /><br />She's gone...<br /><br />I said some pretty hurtful things to vent-able ears in the past year about how she hurt this family and how my views toward her would lead to apathy upon hearing of her passing. Well, it bit me in the bum as I'm sitting here in confusion, shock, isolation, and all of the other stages of grief. It's almost as if it were the stereotypical tea parties little girls had, except not cute and pink... it's a million shades of dullard grey. I'm pouring an ample amount of tea to each emotion... perhaps offering a bit too much to isolation. Hence, the necessity to find the cathartic composition of a simple post.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />In a time where I usually put the brave front for my family, trying to be the solid rock, I can't help but sit in a malaise. Is this normal?<br /><br />A bit of a back story...<br /><br />My grandmother Irena was a tough woman. I think I inherited a lot of strength from her, almost to the point of intimidation and scaring potential suitors away... <br /><br />In her youth, she would go to Ukrainian town parties and bully people. Touch wood, I've never done that. The pen is mightier than the fist or something to that effect. Anyway... she was a single mother by the age of 20 and she certainly had her fair share of father issues. Her son was put up in various foster care and orphanages by her father until my Irena could afford to take care of him. She ended up taking her son, Richard, and moving to Australia. <br /><br />With nothing to her name and a limited proficiency of the English language (Ukrainian and Polish culture- never forget your roots), she moved in with her sister and brother-in-law to East Maitland. East Maitland is a town of blue collar workers. As of now, it's trying to appease to the younger generation but it is certainly a country bumpkin place, much like Kansas or Oklahoma in the States. <br />
<br />
She worked menial jobs here and there just to provide for her sons*. She was married once and that lasted about a year or two... My grandfather, for all intents and purposes, passed away earlier this year.<br />
<br />
I don't really know where I was heading with this portion, I guess it was just to give a glimmer of the person that she was. Her struggles in life. The reasons why she was so strong and fought to where she got in life. <br /><br />Cancer...<br />That is what killed her.<br />
<br />
An avid smoker of 60+ years, trying to quit here and there but with little to no success, Lung Cancer. When I saw her in February, she was adamant about the lung cancer being caused by something else and not the 60+ years of smoking... I get that genetic predisposition may have an effect (think nature and nurture) but c'mon... not that stupid... ***It must be noted that in late 2013-2014, I partook in the cigarette, briefly... have no desire for it... and as a result of my paternal side being chain smokers, swore I would never touch one again***. This isn't the first time she was diagnosed with cancer. In the 70's, she was told she had cervical cancer and had a complete hysterectomy. Bed ridden for months and told that there was still some cancer growth, her life would be cut short. Touch wood, she got to see one of her sons get married, she got to see her grandchildren being born and them growing up. <br /><br />Her death has put everything in perspective. Don't live life with regrets. Don't forget to say "I Love You" or something of endearment to the people that matter to you most (which at this point- has been my parents, some 10 friends, pets, and brother). Just take what you can from this life because at the end of the day, it's all you can. Some material possessions may make it to the grave with you but everything ends up divvied amongst the living. Make the most memories you can... (Reminds me of the play, "You Can't Take It With You" by George S. Kaufman and Moss Hart). <br />
<br />
The only regret that I have is that I spend the trip in February being so pissed off at her for the *family history. I could have said more, done more for her, knowing she was a dying woman... (which is reminiscent of John Mayer's song "Say"... Say what you need to say, be present...) But what probably mattered to her most is that we saw each other, one last time. <br /><br />*family history- my biological grandfather revealed himself. He was actually my grandmother's brother in law... in all honesty, both of her children were sired by both her brother in laws... My late grandfather, for all intents and purposes, one with whom I share a last name, is nothing more than just a placeholder in her marriage timeline. This is what I was most pissed about because family should never do that to each other. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. None of it does. You know why it doesn't matter? because my family and I are here as a result of all of this and we have the power to change the world. <br /><br />With love and light to the woman with whom I shared a birthday for 26 years. <br />God speed, Grandma. <br />I hope you find peace in Heaven and get to be reunited with Uncle Ziggy. <br /><br />Always and Forever,<br />Your granddaughter C.<br />
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<br /><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-66997589175435084222015-02-05T17:19:00.001-07:002015-02-07T20:10:42.220-07:00New Year, new experiencesHappy 2015! <div><br></div><div>Ever since my birthday in August, I have been starting new things- whether it's getting on a motorcycle or trying new recipes. </div><div><br></div><div>I've never truly tried to make Aussie/British treats so I attempted to veganize a favorite in the meat pie.</div><div>Here's what I came up with that tastes amazing:</div><div><br></div><div>Pastry:</div><div>8 oz. flour plus extra for rolling and cutting</div><div>8 oz. water</div><div>4 oz. coconut oil or earth balance buttery spread</div><div>Pinch of salt</div><div><br></div><div>Put flour and salt in a mixing bowl. Next, put water and coconut oil in saucepan over medium heat to melt oil and raise to a boil. Once boiled, turn heat off and pour water into flour/salt. Stirring with wooden spoon until incorporated and peels away from bowl. Put dough on a wooden board and knead, appropriately cutting into 24 mini portions (top and bottom for 12 pies) for a muffin tin. Preheat oven to 350*F</div><div><br></div><div>Filling (feel free to variate this):</div><div><br></div><div>3 oz. dried porcini mushrooms or any other dried mushroom</div><div>1 c. Water (reconstitute mushrooms)</div><div>1/2 yellow onion</div><div>1-2 Tbsps. Canola oil</div><div>1/8 Tsp. Sunny Paris spice (Penzey's)</div><div>1/8 Tsp. Lemon Pepper spice (Mrs. Dash)</div><div>1 Tsp. Dijon mustard</div><div><br></div><div>Reconstitute the mushrooms and water in a saucepan. Wait until the water turns a nice dark tan color. Remove from heat and with a slotted spoon, remove the mushrooms into a paper towel and blot dry. Roughly chop the mushrooms. Reserve the liquid. </div><div><br></div><div>On medium high heat, put onions into a canola oiled pan. Cook until onions are partially translucent. Add mushrooms and spices as well as salt to taste. Add some reserved liquid and reduce until thick. Stir in Dijon mustard. Cook until thick. Remove from heat. </div><div><br></div><div>With your pre-made pie crust, spoon in equal amounts of filling. Top with the last twelve pie crusts, sealing together. Make sure to make a little hole(s) at the top to vent.* Place in pre-heated oven and wait for about 30-50 mins (depending on your oven), until they're golden brown. Enjoy!</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>*You can also add a wash on top with water and cornstarch and salt for a rich coating. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-72745985193453126112014-04-06T21:34:00.001-07:002015-09-27T15:37:44.821-07:00Branded Bandits, King Washington, Crash Kings<br />
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April 3rd, 2014</div>
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Larimer Lounge, Denver, Colorado</div>
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Branded Bandits, King Washington, Crash Kings </div>
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In 2009, Crash Kings opened for Robert Schwartzman's Rooney along with Tally Hall. It is the first time I had been exposed to this band and, as the saying goes, it was love at first sight! </div>
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The beauty of an alternative rock band sans the guitar was just so intriguing and Antonio Beliveau's captivating vocals along with impeccable bass lines from his brother, Michael, left the audience satisfied and not "high and dry".</div>
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In 2010, my brother and I won tickets to see them at the Bluebird Theatre in Denver, Colorado (same venue as Rooney show). The captivation amplified exponentially especially hearing a guitar- less version of Black Sabbath's "War Pigs"! After the show had the pleasant opportunity to meet the amazingly down-to-earth and humble brothers along with their former drummer, Jason Morris. </div>
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Fast forward 4 years, between graduating with 2 majors and working multiple jobs in 2 countries as well as traveling, finally had the privilege of attending the April 3rd show with my wonderful concert partner and brother! Both opening acts (Branded Bandits and King Washington) were musically appealing and engaging with the audience.<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> Mr. Billy Lee from King Washington has the moves and the hair!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-29l6S25eVSRM4vUGlAtcX85a-7WPrBGXKjUkg5ar5gUJ_InfCb9JIM9tZ4c-OGD0GdwIogmUxTq1tuoU8U-UX_MnnLLQbHi7pi7d59JjJFi-UzcmuEQfAxHcS15Mb5Dp6LYb-y3ItFM/s640/blogger-image--1700328627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-29l6S25eVSRM4vUGlAtcX85a-7WPrBGXKjUkg5ar5gUJ_InfCb9JIM9tZ4c-OGD0GdwIogmUxTq1tuoU8U-UX_MnnLLQbHi7pi7d59JjJFi-UzcmuEQfAxHcS15Mb5Dp6LYb-y3ItFM/s320/blogger-image--1700328627.jpg" width="240" /></a>Finally, 11:15pm rolls around and the boys are back in town gracing the stage with new drummer, Tom Roslak! It is a refreshing dynamic in the band from prior years and all three focus their energies on letting the instruments and profound lyrics do the talking. </div>
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Set list:</div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">6 foot tall</span></div>
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1985</div>
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Non believer</div>
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It's only Wednesday </div>
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Inside upside Down</div>
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Hesitate</div>
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Hot fire </div>
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Dressed to the 9's</div>
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Shameless little monkeys</div>
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You got me</div>
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Lonely war</div>
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My love</div>
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14 arms</div>
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All along</div>
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New song</div>
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Mountain Man</div>
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Encore:</div>
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Come away</div>
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Saving grace</div>
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Side note: I will admit, I did not know any of the songs from the second album as I had bought it after the show. In amongst the chaos of life, was predominantly focusing on newfound addiction in Gogol Bordello and a few local bands.</div>
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This show was one of the best my brother and I had been to in a while! Afterwards, we waited for a bit to meet the three exceptionally talented musicians to express appreciation and support! Of course had to have a photo with Tony (favourite lyricist of this generation and overall fun guy!), Michael (mystifying the bass' true nature and, I have to admit, had a crush since 2009) and Tom (the coolest conversationalist and drummer ever!)</div>
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Thank you so much for a wonderful night!</div>
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To my readers, if you have the chance- go, go, go see them! You will have an awesome time! </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-59159478329419297372013-04-09T18:19:00.002-07:002013-04-09T18:19:32.872-07:00Time After TimeMarch 29th, 2013.<br />
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9 a.m.<br />
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- Cleaning dishes for the zoo animals. Prepping diets. Cleaning behind-the-scenes. HUGE smile on my face.<br />
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- Come home at 12 p.m. blasting Aaron Carter's "Oh Aaron" CD, windows rolled down, on the highway.<br />
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1:30 p.m.<br />
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Getting ready:<br />
-> Eat lunch (at least as much as I could)<br />
-> Brush teeth<br />
-> put on crest whitestrips<br />
-> put on chocolate face mask<br />
-> straighten hair<br />
-> foot bath<br />
-> do my acrylics<br />
-> etc...<br />
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Ok, yeah I know it's TMI but still I mean I'm meeting my celebrity crush since age 11. Practically the first guy I liked since coming to the states. Gotta make a good impression...lol.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieA-uFssiKQ-MKpVrLOk7vUTmxjBDmPBbbH9m3tZUT4JwQ9ojdW40FD8TPUTMuTsBo4fs5C49yR7X1TaH1umBds1_OXy-epa3F3cCoEUvOYWZkK31k1qWrtC74x9emNP5sSOfC-Gpl0hs/s1600/IMG_0417.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieA-uFssiKQ-MKpVrLOk7vUTmxjBDmPBbbH9m3tZUT4JwQ9ojdW40FD8TPUTMuTsBo4fs5C49yR7X1TaH1umBds1_OXy-epa3F3cCoEUvOYWZkK31k1qWrtC74x9emNP5sSOfC-Gpl0hs/s320/IMG_0417.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Anyway so arrived at the venue about 5:45, front row practically guaranteed. Spoke to the two girls behind me and asked to join them since I had gone alone. We then made friends with the two girls in front of me. Feel like I made some lifelong friends through this particular show!<br />
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Got into the venue, had to wait a little bit because my good friend, Carson Allen, was doing his sound check! He finished and the 5 of us bolted to the front.<br />
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* * * [Boring details deleted here] * * *<br />
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Ok, so Carson performed and he sounds better and better every time I see him. I thought it was beautiful he explained/dedicated one of his songs to his wonderful girlfriend, Melody! Zombie Nicholas and Gino Coletti are two of the most amazing musicians/producers. Love the entire band platonically and as a representation of the americana singer-songwriter.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2RihvQgSaI7qJUH3bLPGwmFaiR6C4bA24tABR0c9aaSzEbvLchkkP0S8Ipls3jm6CVtoqt6FghAW0ozatr2TDd8wFjgzdxez1QvxDkkCM9EAVIwfGIgo2zBCLTkP5PNEQAf35pCcaZlg/s1600/P1020772.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2RihvQgSaI7qJUH3bLPGwmFaiR6C4bA24tABR0c9aaSzEbvLchkkP0S8Ipls3jm6CVtoqt6FghAW0ozatr2TDd8wFjgzdxez1QvxDkkCM9EAVIwfGIgo2zBCLTkP5PNEQAf35pCcaZlg/s320/P1020772.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
Next up, The Petrel Sisters! They first followed me on twitter [Twitter.com/aussiebohemian] and I listened to them through youtube! You all should check them out. They've got a wonderful girl power/arse kicking vibe! Jess, Bekah, and Destiny did a great rendition of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"! Yes we do!<br />
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Recommendation- "Bombshell"<br />
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Met these girls afterwards and they've definitely got the star power and this personable, down-to-earth quality! Plus, we're all half-italian :-)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ8n8m3S7esTyhvwv3rd4zCIqvBMB89foVABB1v7YRD8ua3XRYtRxtHWvwfagB33-w-Bv-TJ3GbCY5YnV_3CQzgOm7qG3ZFwXZZpYl-jGeaOGIGfC6T2y0K8nnY3Za3WIPN-TzrABhSsE/s1600/P1020793.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ8n8m3S7esTyhvwv3rd4zCIqvBMB89foVABB1v7YRD8ua3XRYtRxtHWvwfagB33-w-Bv-TJ3GbCY5YnV_3CQzgOm7qG3ZFwXZZpYl-jGeaOGIGfC6T2y0K8nnY3Za3WIPN-TzrABhSsE/s320/P1020793.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
* cue drum roll please *<br />
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Anticipation for Aaron was brewing as the DJ D*Nyce was blasting up some hip-hop/dance tunes. The ambience emulated a club scene, I guess tying into the tour title "The After Party Tour". Tried to dance, granted I probably looked like some drunk spastic sorority chick (Sigma Alpha Pi baby), but overall, having a ton of fun!<br />
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Lights out!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZQ0s3LShCkpYj7AB6JAGM1PnXSBvh32WTCn9pAMKxperJL8BEPrrsc9mOhSz9h-ehnn0qAgoH1EpUTbOW_Nm9nBHIBhs0mpxz-4kV8UMyVt_4dGCdTiBCA-oxZ82ZK_joLp_WIsLToCA/s1600/P1020790.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZQ0s3LShCkpYj7AB6JAGM1PnXSBvh32WTCn9pAMKxperJL8BEPrrsc9mOhSz9h-ehnn0qAgoH1EpUTbOW_Nm9nBHIBhs0mpxz-4kV8UMyVt_4dGCdTiBCA-oxZ82ZK_joLp_WIsLToCA/s320/P1020790.JPG" width="180" /></a>OMG, It's AC!!!<br />
Yes, the 11 year old in me is about to faint... Thankfully the 23 year old in me is just in awe!<br />
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He's still got it. All my faves: "Another Earthquake", Medley of "Iko, Iko", "To All The Girls", "I Would"... "That's How I Beat Shaq", "Do U Remember", "I Want Candy", "Aaron's Party"<br />
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Wish I had heard "Hey You" but just being in this room and experiencing him essentially one-on-one was phenomenal.<br />
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After the show, got to meet him and was absolutely starstruck. [I've lived in the states for 13 years and still have my Australian accent-especially, full throttle, when i'm nervous] Well, he got to hear my Australian accent in all its glory and, as far as I was able to get words out. He's such a sweetheart and I was thankful he was able to articulate my questions for me as far as getting a picture and an autograph.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_ZpnlWgC-Ky86DF82QsAqWqAaGVs1gsjRrZMYHl_Cvoy3z6RJiLO4dQMkWa453dZrPiSmr8jxB01KyBMa25KWK9uh-UfsEE9ssAOjg00C4Whidun-tkUxuBLVsyVg-u9gdMTPJ0x-5JQ/s1600/166738_10151346795552666_1347237313_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_ZpnlWgC-Ky86DF82QsAqWqAaGVs1gsjRrZMYHl_Cvoy3z6RJiLO4dQMkWa453dZrPiSmr8jxB01KyBMa25KWK9uh-UfsEE9ssAOjg00C4Whidun-tkUxuBLVsyVg-u9gdMTPJ0x-5JQ/s320/166738_10151346795552666_1347237313_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
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I recommend everyone go see his show. You will be thanked by your younger self. I can assure you! Not disappointed at all! Still experiencing withdrawals! Come Back to Denver :-)<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-11958070003385054862013-01-20T16:26:00.003-07:002013-01-20T16:34:46.466-07:00almost 3 weeks into the new yearIt has also been a year of renewal and trying new things.<br />
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* I took a test on my Chakras and realized that my body is too closed. [I also now realize what my acting teachers were telling me when we did our exercises. I'm too analytical and focus too much rather than just living and doing. It's so weird, I can be myself around the familiar faces and even act out in the grocery store, mall, restaurant, etc. but when it comes time to actually perform a piece I don't go to the level i'm suppose to. Things feel coerced.] I am trying Yoga to balance the chakras and doing tonics to help my body and mind relationship... we'll see how that goes :-)<br />
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* Tried Modeling for the [actual] first time... Went with one of my best friends and it's a lot of fun. Again it's the analytical person inside of me that needs to be turned off. Was a bit frigid and, perhaps, it was the unfamiliarity of the terrain and meeting new people that made me freeze. The other thing I have observed about myself is that I need to be told what to do when it comes to the camera. Sometimes I have to have structure... That poses a problem because it's potential for blackmail and being used.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsmsRN8fiyB6CaIffhcfROHQRo2GcR0JxyNFT1TCEIb_aRB6RjZo3G8ns4oEQqBg_tzn_giFb0dz6xzFDPvQ57QFRI77qsf8JkHfhtlSgqKMKvHC25CUZbmzHVx1b7gl0hz36d3P1uXXQ/s1600/20130119-IMG_3698.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsmsRN8fiyB6CaIffhcfROHQRo2GcR0JxyNFT1TCEIb_aRB6RjZo3G8ns4oEQqBg_tzn_giFb0dz6xzFDPvQ57QFRI77qsf8JkHfhtlSgqKMKvHC25CUZbmzHVx1b7gl0hz36d3P1uXXQ/s400/20130119-IMG_3698.jpg" width="266" /></a>* Going Vegan has been pretty hard. Especially going to restaurants- milk, honey, and eggs are in virtually everything... The main accomplishment has been reducing animal byproducts to at most a meal a day. Kryptonite being Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate... It's a dichotomy of the extremes- super sweet, super salty, creamy, and yet gritty. [Side note: I have been a vegetarian for almost 9 years.] oh and the other being Mead/Honey wine... Holy crap that stuff is bloody brills!<br />
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* Livestrong app for iphone has been the cornerstone for losing weight. Unfortunately, I haven't been too kind to my body... only less than 1000 calories per day... in conjunction with exercising fairly regularly. It would be so nice to learn how to love myself instead of hearing the ex-boyfriends' voices in my head telling me that i'm "not skinny enough" for them... It's becoming trite and in order to love someone I have to love myself first...<br />
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Mental abuse is something that is so hard to overcome, I have flaws- More moles than Busy Phillips, a bad back, asymmetrical face, small boobs, big butt, hourglass figure, i'm loud/opinionated but by the same token also very shy, . When I was a child I had really ugly teeth and got that fixed when I was in my junior year of high school. It was great to improve just a bit of confidence. I also developed a nasty habit of cutting myself which only added fuel to the fire. I think as much as my mum doesn't believe it, I do think I have/had an eating disorder. [damn it feels great to get this all out of my body, step 1 out of 12 :-)]<br />
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* Practicing with healing crystals and trying a variety of new age practices and responding with the environment. We are the makers of our lives and it would be great to be positive and live a fairy tale life. These things are possible... We are a product of the earth and we communicate with the earth. There are many different ways to do so whether praying, chanting, etc. This has been my form of taking parts of the earth and enveloping into my body.<br />
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In a few weeks time I will find out about grad school... I applied to the Miami University in conjunction with the local zoo here and I'm seriously hoping that I can do this! Zoology, animal behavior, and conservation biology are my main passions in life! I love animals more than anything in the world! I would bend over backwards for any animal in harm's way! It's something I've wanted to do since I was 5 years old (well that and a farmer... lol)<br />
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* Found out where the love of my life is going to be in July-August and have decided to go out and see him swim again... He retired and has decided to come back which is absolutely the highlight of my 15 years of loving him since I saw him in the 1998 commonwealth games on TV... I can only hope that I get to meet him. Aside from trying this new age stuff for personal growth, I have donated my time and money to the zoo and animal shelter to accrue good karma. Doing good things for people so I can have a good thing happen to me. It may seem beyond bizarre but it's a theory I'm willing to try, Lord willing.<br />
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Anyway that's just been in 3 weeks... to be continued....<br />
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Cheers,<br />
CK<br />
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<!--1000--><!--1000-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-28266723636380704342013-01-07T14:12:00.002-07:002013-01-07T14:16:04.593-07:002013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This year has been quite a whirlwind of emotions. Since September of 2012, Personal issues have been like ocean waves, hitting a beautiful high and then crashing into rocks, obliterating anything only to recede and start all over again:<br />
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End of July- August- Drove with Mum and Bro from Denver to Seattle, stopping through Yellowstone and then back to Denver. Drove home on my birthday. Wasn't really acknowledged nor celebrated. boo.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghC128OanEx8CaNeTR6Jgg8D4lmZ7g7VrpkMYBoMakGcwtZkMIgrncImUkBxgW85mNPiGxQAfu8vOchnCYLEyQgq8h4TiT5OBD47cMx2hvcgTLZ5YrEWuAovEzZaXv6ZN50zZR0aJ1GCU/s1600/KYI00058.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghC128OanEx8CaNeTR6Jgg8D4lmZ7g7VrpkMYBoMakGcwtZkMIgrncImUkBxgW85mNPiGxQAfu8vOchnCYLEyQgq8h4TiT5OBD47cMx2hvcgTLZ5YrEWuAovEzZaXv6ZN50zZR0aJ1GCU/s320/KYI00058.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSQniJGlkm55RMgYcetL0LOHjBEDINMxApaLQbwdpqlbz8NvNAMxxk89B8HD2L2UuATr8n_KVY_ipsuvpOGyZVZT9y8ieROiUsahG7ISWXAwiyLrM4elYzPXqez5hDe1s8lZovq0Uq_WY/s1600/KYI00036.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSQniJGlkm55RMgYcetL0LOHjBEDINMxApaLQbwdpqlbz8NvNAMxxk89B8HD2L2UuATr8n_KVY_ipsuvpOGyZVZT9y8ieROiUsahG7ISWXAwiyLrM4elYzPXqez5hDe1s8lZovq0Uq_WY/s320/KYI00036.JPG" width="180" /></a>September- I ended up going on a beautiful trip to my ancestor's homeland, Ukraine (with stops to the Netherlands and Belgium). It was inspiring to see Kiev and then the memorial/grave of one of the greatest Ukraine writers and poets, Taras Shevchenko. Meeting and speaking with the locals was soul-enriching and being able to speak in the true native tongue did not keep a dry eye with anyone we came into contact. I enjoyed catching up with one of my mum's friend in Amsterdam, someone who held me when I was a youngster. We stopped into Bruges. That place was absolutely amazing. Seeing Mr. Fidel in the windowsill overlooking the canal was definitely a highlight (pic Above). The chocolates, food, wine, atmosphere in Europe is something I cannot define. It's pretentious, but by the same token, definitely not. Everything is within walking distance or a train trip. Feel like a "holiday", why not go to another country? Don't mind if I do?!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj7L0sqj3GOaj_NSZs5Ioo59b2VeCxFokbeCg7pOZP6k9nkrPvuBJxPU4BiESEClJVDntynyZhGdLn6KaKA1lA84h-7HtjrZGsZ1Z7PQ_tDNV81RPoNrUp5pL-56aWpxmDewjYBYbgDws/s1600/DSC_0196.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj7L0sqj3GOaj_NSZs5Ioo59b2VeCxFokbeCg7pOZP6k9nkrPvuBJxPU4BiESEClJVDntynyZhGdLn6KaKA1lA84h-7HtjrZGsZ1Z7PQ_tDNV81RPoNrUp5pL-56aWpxmDewjYBYbgDws/s320/DSC_0196.JPG" width="320" /></a>October- Had to euthanize our 8.5 year old Beagle, Max, poor bugger wasn't doing well. At the end of the month, found out my Nan has advanced Neuroendocrine cancer. It's just been shite.<br />
November- Slipped Disc (6 weeks of therapy)<br />
December- found out I have a ruptured Ovarian Cyst and a bicornuate uterus. It put things into perspective, I never really wanted to have children, there were moments I wanted a ton and then none. Having the chances of conceiving reduced to practically nil is pretty earth-shattering. The privilege being taken away just leaves nothing more than a cynic. How can people who eat Mickey D's every bloody day, every meal of the day, conceive multiple children but someone who does not abuse their temple can't? The dichotomy of this world... I swear. Oh and we won't go into the whole being-given-empty-promises-and-then-losing-your-job-because-place-is-doing-bad-financially.<br />
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We went to our fave French Restaurant in downtown Denver for New Year's Eve and had a wonderful meal: Eggplant wellington with sweet potato ragout and raspberry-espresso sauce, poached pear and goat cheese salad, followed by chocolate, almond, caramel, coffee dessert. The europeans make brill desserts, don't know how to explain it. Nevertheless, stuffed to the brim and only to receive a rude awakening. We paid our bloody $10 for parking and the person saw us put in our money but we got a ticket. Word to the wise- do NOT park in the lot next to Le Central. Bunch of cons if you ask me.<br />
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So far 2013 is shaping up to be quite a year. I can only hope that the storm can settle and that I can fight for what I want in this life. I wish nothing but the best for you all :)<br />
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New Year's resolution:<br />
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Going Vegan<br />
Meeting the love of my life in Spain<br />
Losing the 15 I put on during the holidays<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-65855275303152363572012-06-05T20:57:00.000-07:002012-06-05T20:57:29.872-07:00Maturation and emotional saturationWhere to start?! <div>
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Well for about 10 days I was home, by myself, trying to juggle my 3 jobs (technically, 1 paying job and 2 volunteering) as well as take care of all the pets and grandma, as well as maintain the house. It was the first time I have ever been by myself for an extended period of time in the house without my parents and brother. At first it took a while to adjust but by the third day things were in full swing. I created time sheets for the week allocating how much time I would have in the day to do x, y, and z. It was empowering to be able to do things even though I barely had a second to myself. Hence, Maturation. I feel like I can conquer just about anything after this challenge of balancing 60 hour work weeks and my furry and scaled children. It was almost like being a single mother. <div>
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The one thing that sucked was communicating with people, I felt alone. There's only so much that you can do on twitter or texting etc. However, it does give leeway to explore thyself and understanding what pleases you and displeases you, how to run the house, how you like to do things, what makes you tick, etc. Anyway, I learned a lot about my own personal trends:</div>
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* Eat local, eat at hole-in-the-wall places, eat ethnic foods (maybe once every two weeks or once a month). </div>
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My faves: Yak and Yeti Indian and Nepalese food, Le Central, Queen of Sheba Ethiopian Food, Thai House, and Empanada Grill. </div>
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* Buy farmer's market produce. I prefer Boulder's because at least there's a lot of co-ops and not monocultures/ Earth Rapers.</div>
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* Cook your own food, put it in the freezer. Basically have your own personal lean cuisines and at least you know what's put into them versus things you can't pronounce, hormones, antibiotics, or, my favourite (sarcasm), HFCS (High Fructose Corn Syrup). </div>
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* Don't give in. Not to men, not to politicians, not to women, not to corporations, don't give in to anyone. </div>
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* Enjoy nature. I work at 3 places that save animals. </div>
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* Have a passion ^^^^^ (I work at 3 places that save animals.)</div>
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* Enjoy loud music, bold colors, and clothing that represents you. Not what some CS at a magazine or mass media outlet will tell you. </div>
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My faves: Gogol Bordello, 30 Seconds to Mars, Take to the Oars, Vices I Admire, Rolling Stones. Green, Orange, Purple. Snake print pants and gypsy-style shirt with converse sneakers and tiger face jewelry. </div>
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* Don't give in. Not to men, not to politicians, not to women, not to corporations, don't give in to anyone. </div>
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* Live simply. Live for the moments. Don't give in to materialism. Live minimally= Living happily. </div>
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I've seen many cool things in this world. I've traveled to cool places in this world, hung with locals, speak different languages, opened my mind, touched cool animals, gone to concerts, met the artists. Stuff I'll take to the grave with me rather than the latest piece of technology or clothing accessory. </div>
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* Lastly, say what's on your mind. Don't give into being prim and proper. That's passe. Have dignity and be yourself, a new kind of class will follow. </div>
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Hence, </div>
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Emotional Saturation :)</div>
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All my love and peace to you and yours.</div>
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P.s. You may view this post as liberal but actually i'm neither party affiliation so please do not go that route. Thank you :)</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1389379654531859768.post-82049889463045916532012-05-15T22:25:00.003-07:002012-05-15T22:25:43.001-07:00Trip of a lifetimeIn July of 2011, we took a trip to Spain, Portugal, Morocco, France. Started driving in Madrid, then headed to Lisbon, all the way down to Tangiers (Spent a day there), back in Spain traveled to Barcelona, Spent the day in Perpignon, France, back to Madrid. Must say I give my dad major props for driving everywhere, passing through towns. Also, major kudos to my mum for planning a common sense route through the Iberian Peninsula.<br />
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Fave places:<br />
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Madrid<br />
Segovia<br />
Algave, Portugal<br />
Cadiz<br />
Gibraltar<br />
Tangiers Marketplace<br />
Valencia Biopark<br />
Barcelona<br />
Malaga<br />
Perpignon, France<br />
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A few photos can be seen on twitter.com/aussiebohemian<br />
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Travel :) It does the soul wonders!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651104287784010189noreply@blogger.com0