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Sunday, January 20, 2013

almost 3 weeks into the new year

It has also been a year of renewal and trying new things.

*  I took a test on my Chakras and realized that my body is too closed. [I also now realize what my acting teachers were telling me when we did our exercises. I'm too analytical and focus too much rather than just living and doing. It's so weird, I can be myself around the familiar faces and even act out in the grocery store, mall, restaurant, etc. but when it comes time to actually perform a piece I don't go to the level i'm suppose to. Things feel coerced.]  I am trying Yoga to balance the chakras and doing tonics to help my body and mind relationship... we'll see how that goes :-)

*  Tried Modeling for the [actual] first time... Went with one of my best friends and it's a lot of fun. Again it's the analytical person inside of me that needs to be turned off. Was a bit frigid and, perhaps, it was the unfamiliarity of the terrain and meeting new people that made me freeze. The other thing I have observed about myself is that I need to be told what to do when it comes to the camera. Sometimes I have to have structure... That poses a problem because it's potential for blackmail and being used.

*  Going Vegan has been pretty hard. Especially going to restaurants- milk, honey, and eggs are in virtually everything... The main accomplishment has been reducing animal byproducts to at most a meal a day. Kryptonite being Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate... It's a dichotomy of the extremes- super sweet, super salty, creamy, and yet gritty. [Side note: I have been a vegetarian for almost 9 years.] oh and the other being Mead/Honey wine... Holy crap that stuff is bloody brills!

*  Livestrong app for iphone has been the cornerstone for losing weight. Unfortunately, I haven't been too kind to my body... only less than 1000 calories per day... in conjunction with exercising fairly regularly. It would be so nice to learn how to love myself instead of hearing the ex-boyfriends' voices in my head telling me that i'm "not skinny enough" for them... It's becoming trite and in order to love someone I have to love myself first...

Mental abuse is something that is so hard to overcome, I have flaws- More moles than Busy Phillips, a bad back, asymmetrical face, small boobs, big butt, hourglass figure, i'm loud/opinionated but by the same token also very shy, . When I was a child I had really ugly teeth and got that fixed when I was in my junior year of high school. It was great to improve just a bit of confidence. I also developed a nasty habit of cutting myself which only added fuel to the fire. I think as much as my mum doesn't believe it, I do think I have/had an eating disorder. [damn it feels great to get this all out of my body, step 1 out of 12 :-)]

*  Practicing with healing crystals and trying a variety of new age practices and responding with the environment. We are the makers of our lives and it would be great to be positive and live a fairy tale life. These things are possible... We are a product of the earth and we communicate with the earth. There are many different ways to do so whether praying, chanting, etc. This has been my form of taking parts of the earth and enveloping into my body.

In a few weeks time I will find out about grad school... I applied to the Miami University in conjunction with the local zoo here and I'm seriously hoping that I can do this! Zoology, animal behavior, and conservation biology are my main passions in life! I love animals more than anything in the world! I would bend over backwards for any animal in harm's way! It's something I've wanted to do since I was 5 years old (well that and a farmer... lol)

*  Found out where the love of my life is going to be in July-August and have decided to go out and see him swim again... He retired and has decided to come back which is absolutely the highlight of my 15 years of loving him since I saw him in the 1998 commonwealth games on TV... I can only hope that I get to meet him. Aside from trying this new age stuff for personal growth, I have donated my time and money to the zoo and animal shelter to accrue good karma. Doing good things for people so I can have a good thing happen to me. It may seem beyond bizarre but it's a theory I'm willing to try, Lord willing.

Anyway that's just been in 3 weeks... to be continued....


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