Must say, definitely not feeling the cheer. It's hard to say considering this is one of my favorite holidays and I'm usually pretty charitable this time of year, donating every year to my friend's fave charities on their behalf and whatnot. Something just doesn't feel right. I simply don't care. It'll be great when this holiday season is over. This negative attitude will hopefully dissipate.
What makes this year different is the series of events that served as a precursor. Most of all I'm depressed I don't get to be with my dog. Going to Petsmart has been a chore- I see toys and her fave items with which I would have spoiled her. A couple of my friends have Aussie Shepherds and I see photos online and it just triggers my sadness and anger.
I'm angry at the fact that fate had to take away my best friend. It's been hurtful that everyone with whom I share Syd's story says "oh it's just a dog".... NO! She's more than a dog, she was my emotional support. I'm not the person I was prior to October 3rd. I don't have anyone to share my stories with, that actually care. There are thoughts from back in 2013 that are coming back. I hate living without her. It's so unfair.
My sister in law and aunt are in town and I love them both dearly. But, I'm not in an emotionally stable place to enjoy anyone's company. My birds at work have alleviated any stress but what is being masked? Something isn't sitting right...