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Monday, February 22, 2016

There is always something there to remind me...

It's funny how you find lingering remnants of a love once was... Last week, I was cleaning out my jewelry drawer and stumbled upon a mixed CD and a ring He gave me. I decided to sell the ring (it's sold, have to ship it out today), and I'm still working on the mixed cd's disposal... Been spring cleaning quite a bit lately, at work, at home, in the car. It's getting better. 

A beautiful soul and I had a discussion at this concert about how when you love someone you let them go... It's a hardship but so true... You want what's best for that person and to self-actualize and realize it may not be you, is a release... To be angry with any person who has done you wrong is natural but to obsess over it, isn't healthy. Am I angry that He (my ex) cheated, not once but twice? Um... Yeah. But I think what I was most angry about is the fact I changed myself whilst with him... He was someone who was self-indulgent and I put myself on the backburner to promote his wellbeing while suppressing my own. When I applied for grad school, he was pseudo-supportive... I'm not sure because our communication skills were dying at that point since I had no trust left in him. He surprised me on the first day of classes by coming to my campus with flowers when I went out to New York in August of 2014. Then in November, we faded to oblivion... Which is why this conversation with this beautiful soul and the dispersal of remnants meant so much and hit at the right time. I fervently believe that everything happens for a reason. Signs and that things are either right or wrong... This positivity felt right considering everything that cycled before Christmas Eve. 

The other thing I'm working on is opening up... My lungs, heart, soul, and hair are being spring cleaned, improving on interpersonal relationships and not letting the past dictate the future.

Don't let the past dictate the future... Use the past as a learning tool, not a mechanism heading into the future. You can't heal that way... I got rid of my excess, you can get rid of yours... 

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